THE 4 RULES FOR LEADING IN A CRISIS

1. Project a Sense of Calm

Just as panic is contagious, so too is a sense of calm, which when it kicks in can settle the frayed nerves of those around you. In a crisis, you should project a sense of continuity, of having managed through similarly difficult predicaments, and of applying the lessons learned in a calm and reasoned manner to the situation at hand.

Responding to such pressure in a cool, calm and collected way requires being guided by your mind rather than your emotions. There are different areas of the brain which govern us when we are thinking clearly and calmly on the one hand and when we are operating in a state of anxiety or fear on the other hand. When it comes to working in a crisis, we perform at our best when we are guided by the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain that plans and reasons.

When we are scared or anxious, however, we are driven by the part of the brain that produces the fight-or-flight emotions. By simply deciding to project a sense of calm, not only will you be quelling the fears of those around you, but you will be consciously triggering the part of your brain that will enable you to problem-solve your way through the situation.

Whether it is the current credit crisis, the dot-com bust of 2000, the Asian debt crisis of 1997, or Black Monday in October 1987, Wall Street and the economy have been through many "sky is falling" crises. After this passes, the economy and markets will still function and survive, often, healthier than before. As Mr. Dilenschneider said, "Remember; this too shall pass!"

2. Take Early and Decisive Action on Personnel

If you are in a management position during a crisis or period of great uncertainty you should also create an immediate feeling of decisiveness and accountability, according to Mr. Dilenschneider. You need to decide early on which employees you need to let go and which you are going to keep. The goal is to reduce the sense of uncertainty as soon as possible and get everyone focused on the tasks at hand. One dilemma is that the very people who let you get into the current difficulty are often times the best-equipped to help you get out of it.

The analysis of what to do with the individuals involved must be objective and fact-based and must weigh the advantages to the organization of their departure in terms of morale, public perception or operations compared to the loss these individuals in terms of their expertise and relationships. If you decide to retain these individuals, you as a manager must make sure to align their incentives with those of the organization. Once you have decided who to keep, in order to calm down still skittish employees you should reassure them that their jobs are secure -- at least until the organization navigates its way out of the crisis.

3. Ensure That the Information You Receive is Accurate

Mr. Dilenschneider has advised scores of clients during many crises and has come to believe that the single most important thing you can do as a manager during a crisis is to ensure that the information flowing to you and your team is comprehensive and accurate. He says that under no circumstances can you delegate the collection of information to subordinates whose interests could diverge from yours or that of the organization. Recognize that they will naturally be focused on their own survival while your concern as a leader is the well-being of your organization. You must play a hands-on role in determining what information you need, how it will be obtained, and how and to whom it will be disseminated.

From a communications perspective, what you say publicly and privately must be consistent. The levels of detail you share may differ, but what you discuss publicly must be both accurate and consistent with what you are saying to your team and more broadly inside the organization. If you violate this rule, the inconsistency will find its way out, into conversations with others and with the media. That then would undermine everything else you are saying and doing and create more, rather than less, panic.

4. Manage Yourself First

Finally, Mr. Dilenschneider stresses that above everything else, the one thing that you must do when disorder replaces order is "seize control of your own head." In times of distress, it is often easy to get swept away in the flow of events. It is imperative that throughout the crisis, you as a manager take care of yourself, get enough rest, and keep stress levels as low as possible. It is well documented that you make poor decisions when you are tired and stressed. Yet many top executives ignore their own health and state of mind in times of trouble. As a manager, your job is to make good decisions. By taking care of yourself you are helping do your job by improving the quality of the decisions you will make.

To take care of yourself properly, follow the same advice that you surely give to others:

* Put limits on your workday. You can't function well in your job if you are fatigued. Cap the number of hours you work and carve out enough time to make sure that you get enough sleep and spend some time every day with your family.

* Practice deep breathing and take a nap. Both can be done in a few minutes and can be vital in maintaining your equilibrium.

* Maintain your exercise routine. When a crisis starts to fill up your schedule, the daily workout is often one of the first things to get pushed aside. Make it the last. Exercise keeps your mind sharp and routine helps you retain a sense of calm.

ONE GOD/ONE SOURCE (QURAN)

In the strictest possible language, we are commanded to uphold Quran, the

whole Quran, and nothing but Quran.

Repeatedly, we are commanded to uphold Quran as the ONLY SOURCE OF

RELIGIOUS GUIDANCE.

Again and again, we are reminded that the following of ANY OTHER SOURCE

BESIDE QURAN EQUALS THE SETTING UP OF OTHER GODS BESIDE GOD.

Verses 22 through 38 of Sura 17 represent some of the most important

commandments in Quran. Immediately following these verses we find the verse

shown below:

“This is some of the wisdom revealed to you (in this Quran), and YOU SHALL

NOT SET UP ANY OTHER GOD BESIDE GOD (by following any other source beside

Quran). Otherwise, you will be thrown into hell, blamed and debased.”

(17:39)

{Ephisians 6:8}

International Standard Version (©2008) because you know that everyone will receive a reward from the Lord for whatever good he has done, whether he is a slave or free. New American Standard Bible (©1995) knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995) You know that your heavenly master will reward all of us for whatever good we do, whether we're slaves or free people. King James Bible Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free. American King James Version Knowing that whatever good thing any man does, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free. American Standard Version knowing that whatsoever good thing each one doeth, the same shall he receive again from the Lord, whether he be bond or free. Bible in Basic English In the knowledge that for every good thing anyone does, he will have his reward from the Lord, If he is a servant or if he is free. Douay-Rheims Bible Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man shall do, the same shall he receive from the Lord, whether he be bond, or free. Darby Bible Translation knowing that whatever good each shall do, this he shall receive of the Lord, whether bond or free. English Revised Version knowing that whatsoever good thing each one doeth, the same shall he receive again from the Lord, whether he be bond or free. Webster's Bible Translation Knowing that whatever good thing any man doeth, the same will he receive from the Lord, whether he be bond or free. Weymouth New Testament You well know that whatever right thing any one does, he will receive a requital for it from the Lord, whether he is a slave or a free man. World English Bible knowing that whatever good thing each one does, he will receive the same again from the Lord, whether he is bound or free. Young's Literal Translation having known that whatever good thing each one may do, this he shall receive from the Lord, whether servant or freeman.

CHANGING YOUR CORE VALUES

Since your outer world is a reflection of your inner world and at the core of your inner world are your values, it becomes necessary to examine and probably reprioritize and/or change your current core values to be more congruent with the life that you desire for yourself. Although I could explain neuro-linguistic programming techniques and value-shifting for days, I’ll give you a very simplified procedure to identify and update your core values.

1. Write 5-10 personal values that are most important to you right now.

2. Define and clarify exactly what those values mean to you. For example, the value of courage happens to be one of my personal values and I clarify it for myself by writing: “Courage-to face my fears and move forward regardless.” This is a very important step because by doing so, you begin to take more ownership into those otherwise generic values by making them your own.

3. Organize that list of values in a hierarchy with the most important value at the top.

4. Now write 5-10 goals that you want to achieve. Obviously, a goal to have a more peaceful and less dramatic life would be a goal that should be on your personal list. After you create your list of goals, prioritize them just like your values list.

5. Compare your value list and your goal list. Ideally, the top values on your list should be perfectly congruent with the top goals that you have. Most of the time, they are not, which is the primary reason why most people are not able to achieve optimal performance and progress on their goals. Remember that your values are what is most important to you and your goals are the important things that you want to achieve in your life. There must be a synergy between both your values and your goals in order for success to happen.

6. If a top priority goal for you is to have a peaceful life, then you have to change your core values (the top three values on your values list) to correspond to that goal. Do this by either reprioritizing your current list, or by installing new values as your core values that directly relate to that goal. Some obvious choices that come to mind are: peace, happiness, tranquility, calmness, etc.

7. 21-day reprogramming. It takes approximately 21 days of constant repetition and use to replace old values with new ones. With respect to your new values, the most practical way that has worked for my coaching clients is to write those core values down on index cards and carry those core values with you everywhere you go. Also, write on those cards incantations that you will repeat to yourself throughout the day to reprogram your mind with those values. You should ideally repeat those values at least 100 times during the course of the day and there is no need to say them out loud, as long as your mind is clearly hearing the message. An example of an incantation for a core value is: “I value peace and happiness in my life everyday.” Initially, there will be some internal resistance and your mind will reject those statements as being “stupid” or “silly” because they are not congruent with your current life. This is absolutely normal, but it is also where most people fail because they give it up as not working for them. But if you keep this up for 21 days, you will begin to adopt these values into your life and your actions and decisions will begin to be congruent with those newly installed values and your problems with upset people and conflict situations should melt away along with those old beliefs.

While I realize that these suggestions may not be a cure-all for your problems, I do believe that these suggestions offer a very solid platform from which you can begin to investigate how to create a positive and meaningful change in your life to produce a greater sense of happiness and well-being.

HOW TO HAVE RESPECT FOR YOURSELF

If you want respect from other people, you may first have to develop respect for yourself. Even if people respect or befriend you anyway, eventually you will need to have respect for yourself, or else you may drive your friends away or prevent yourself from forming new friendships. And, of course, self-respect and self-esteem is very important even for introverts, shy people, or loners (each very different personality types, of course) to lead a satisfying life.

HERE'S HOW:

1. Don't bring yourself down. Don't let your mistakes alone define who you are. Spend time to consider what your strengths and good qualities are. Move past your mistakes and work only on the repeated mistakes that are holding you back. Never neglect your strengths and good qualities.
2. Build your knowledge base of social, practical, and professional thoughts, sayings, and practices. Spend some time learning about things you have an interest in or might be passionate about. Read articles and search for similar knowledge sites to learn more about what's possible. Even if you can't apply some of those things, be confident that they will serve you well in the future, or in unexpected ways.
3. Never condemn or bemoan yourself. Rather, pay attention to confident, non-condemning people and gain confidence from observing or being around them. If you have a tendency towards jealousy, put that aside and just start incorporating the positive and admirable traits of others.
4. Focus on learning and doing things to build up who you are, but not at the expense of others. Build on what you know, what you are capable of, what your strengths/passions are. Don't be discouraged or stressed out by mistakes. Think of mistakes as lessons in what to try differently next time. Thomas Edison once said: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
5. Develop yourself by practicing the seven virtues (regardless of being religious or not). The restraint and selflessness acquired will not only earn respect for yourself, but make you a better person overall.
6. Expect respect from people as you respect others, and then expect more of it as you respect others more. Be true to yourself.
7. Don't let others force you to do things you don't want to do just for their approval. Rather expect others to do uncomfortable or annoying tasks or service for you, if they expect you to do uncomfortable or annoying tasks or services for them. Otherwise you shouldn't be doing such things.
8. Be friendly to everyone. Learn about different cultures and how respect works in those. Try not to judge others or their culture until you personally meet them and get to know them. You can ask them why they do what they do, as long as you explain the same about yourself and your own culture if they wonder why you asked them. Accept and maybe incorporate from each other. If you like your ways, simply be aware of different ways. When you are around a group of a different culture, consider conforming to their ways out of a sign of respect (ask how to do this since you will be expected to act somewhat like a foreigner). Maybe they will be able to do the same when they are around a group of your culture. However, don't worry about it too much. Different families and cultures expect others to act differently or to understand things differently. Some of that is very acceptable. Just be respectful of the differences. There is not one way of doing things or of being in this world. Respecting others way of being doesn't mean becoming their way of being.
9. If you are having trouble getting hung up over someone romantically, be sure to learn about relationship and dating. At the same time, don't neglect developing other friends and interests, otherwise you won't have much to offer to a relationship, or even to yourself!
10. Have fun as your develop friendships,interests, purposes, passions. Enjoy the journey of learning to respect yourself as a unique individual who has something to offer in this world.

IDENTIFY AND LIVE YOUR PERSONAL VALUES

Values are traits or qualities that are considered worthwhile; they represent your highest priorities and deeply held driving forces. When you are part of any organization, you bring your deeply held values and beliefs to the organization. There they co-mingle with those of the other members to create an organization or family culture.

Value statements are grounded in values and define how people want to behave with each other in an organization, an institution, a company, or a family. They are statements about how the organization will value customers, suppliers, and the internal community. Value statements describe actions which are the living enactment of the fundamental values held by most individuals within the organization.

The following are examples of values. You might use these as the starting point for thinking about and articulating your values as a human being.

Examples of Values

ambition, competency, individuality, equality, integrity, service, responsibility, accuracy, respect, dedication, diversity, improvement, enjoyment/fun, loyalty, credibility, honesty, innovativeness, teamwork, excellence, accountability, empowerment, quality, efficiency, dignity, collaboration, stewardship, empathy, accomplishment, courage, wisdom, independence, security, challenge, influence, learning, compassion, friendliness, discipline/order, generosity, persistency, optimism, dependability, flexibility

Why Identify and Establish Your Values?

Your values are made up of everything that has happened to you in your life and include influences from: your parents and family, your religious affiliation, your friends and peers, your education, your reading, and more. Effective people recognize these environmental influences and identify and develop a clear, concise, and meaningful set of values/beliefs, and priorities. Once defined, values impact every aspect of your life.

• You demonstrate and model your values in action in your personal and work behaviors, decision making, contribution, and interpersonal interaction.
• You use your values to make decisions about priorities in your daily work and home life.
• Your goals and life purpose are grounded in your values.

Choose the values that are most important to you, the values you believe in and that define your character. Then live them visibly every day at work and at home. Living your values is one of the most powerful tools available to you to help you be the person you want to be, to help you accomplish your goals and dreams, and to help you lead and influence others. Don't waste your best opportunity.

THE POWER OF A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

I am going to ask you something very unusual right now. First of all, I want you to listen to your thoughts. Now tell me, what thoughts fill your head? Would you label them as positive, or negative?

Now let's say you are walking down the street with these thoughts. Do you think anyone would be able to tell you what's on your mind?

The answer to number one is up to you. But, the answer to number two can be pretty generic.

Although people will not be able to tell you exactly what you think, they will more or less have an idea of how you are feeling.

Here's another question. When you enter a party filled with friends, do they all fall silent as if something terrible had happened? Or does everybody there perk up as if they're waiting for something exciting to happen?

You know what? The answer to all these depends on your state of mind.

Thoughts are very powerful. They affect your general attitude. The attitude you carry reflects on your appearance, too - unless, of course, you are a great actor.

And it doesn't end there. Your attitude can also affect people the around you. The type of attitude you carry depends on you. It can be either positive or negative.

Positive thoughts have a filling effect. They are admittedly exhilarating. Plus, the people around the person carrying positive thoughts are usually energized by this type of attitude.

Negative thoughts on the other hand have a zapping effect on other people. Aside from making you look gloomy and sad, negative thoughts can turn a festive gathering into a funeral wake.

A positive attitude attracts people, while a negative attitude repels them. People tend to shy away from those who carry a negative attitude.

We can also define attitude as the way of looking at the world. If you choose to focus on the negative things in the life, more or less you are fostering a negative attitude. However, if you choose to focus on the positive things, you are more likely carry a positive attitude.

You have much to gain from a very positive attitude. For one, studies have shown that a positive attitude promotes better health. Those with this kind of attitude also have more friends. projecting a positive attitude also helps one to handle stress and problems better than those who have a negative attitude.

A positive attitude begins with a healthy self-image. If you will love the way you are and are satisfied, confident, and self-assured, you also make others around you feel the same way.

On the other hand, a negative attitude, has the opposite effect. So, carrying a negative attitude has a two-fold drawback. You feel bad about yourself, and you make others feel the same way.

If you want to have a positive attitude, you have to maintain healthy thoughts. This is actually very hard to do nowadays since all around us the media feeds us nothing but negative thoughts. A study shows that for every 14 things a parent says to his or her child,
only one is positive. This is truly a depressing thought.

If you want a healthier outlook in life, you need to think happy thoughts. You also have to hear positive things as well. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie, you could play with children, or spend some time telling jokes with friends. All these activities fill you with positive stimuli, which in turn promotes positive attitude.

Although it is impossible to keep ourselves from the negative things around us, you can still carry a positive attitude by focusing on the good things, the positive things in life.

And this positive attitude you now carry can be of benefit to other people. Sometimes when other people feel down, the thing most people do is try to give them advice. But sometimes, all they need is somebody to sit with them, and listen to their thoughts and feelings. If you have a positive attitude you may be able to cheer them up without even having to say anything.

If positive attitude is really great, why do people choose to adopt a negative attitude instead? One who carries a negative attitude may be actually sending a signal for attention.

So you don't misunderstand what I'm saying, feeling sad, angry, or gloomy is not wrong itself. But dwelling on these thoughts for far too long is not healthy either. There is a time to mourn, but don't continually dwell on the subject or situation; change it!

If you are inundated with troubles, even in your darkest hour, focus on the good things in life, it will always give you hope. Problems are something you can overcome.

You don't have anything to lose by adopting a healthy, positive attitude. Studies show that such an attitude actually defers aging, makes you healthier, helps you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every
day. So, what's not to like about a positive attitude? Adopt one today.

HOW TO STOP FEELING LIKE EVERYTHING IS BATTLE YOU NEED TO WIN

Do you feel like each day in your life is comparable to a fight in a boxing ring? You may mentally spar with your cubicle-mate, trying to one-up his or her suggestions and ultimately win a promotion.

Or you frequently have an urge to go faster than every other car on the highway, and can’t stand being behind anyone while on the road? Even while at home you might challenge your significant other to get your way on everything from what to eat for dinner to where to take your next vacation. In other words, you want to win at everything, almost at any cost.

While a competitive edge is usually something attributed to men, women can also be concerned with “winning,” as can people from all walks of life. In general, America is a society where winning is highly valued. Just think about the number of verbal and physical outbursts that occur between parents at high school (and even younger aged) sports events!

“People who are the most likely to feel like life is a battle are those who have been brought up to believe in this lie, no matter what their walk of life or career.

Why the “Winning is Everything” Mentality is Risky

Clearly, there is nothing wrong with a bit of healthy competition. Where the problem comes in is in viewing your entire life like a battle -- one that you must constantly struggle to win. This mentality surrounds you in a negative sea of emotions, from chronic stress to anxiety to greed, when none need exist. This is because, in reality, winning is certainly not everything. Most truly successful people have only become that way after a failure, and usually a string of them. Embracing Failure is, quite often, a key trait of respected leaders.

Further, “Those who measure themselves based on comparison and others’ opinions of them -- rather than looking inside for their own yard stick of self-measurement -- tend to get more lost in competition.”

In other words, those who get caught up in competition are often so worried about where they stand on the corporate ladder and keeping up “with the Joneses,” that they easily overlook what it is they themselves truly desire, along with what they need to truly feel happy.

How to Start Embracing Life in Peace

When you learn to release the belief that life is a battle, it paves the way for a much happier result: everyone can win. You needn’t look at life as a battle because no one has to lose. Further, one only has to look at the beauty of nature or the smile of a child to realize that most great things in life don’t require “winning” at all.

“Life is not a battle unless you make it so". “When you focus on win/win, as opposed to win/lose, you find that everyone comes out on top. The more you allow yourself to do your best and be open to others winning as well, the more you’ll find new levels of cooperation and success. Meanwhile, you can stay focused on the task at hand -- instead of constantly comparing your performance to others. This all leads to you feeling a lot more secure and effective because you are able to stop judging yourself unfairly based on your level of success.”

The key to reaching this place in your life is to let go of the self-limiting belief that life is a battle by using The Sedona Method. This is a scientifically proven tool that will teach you how to release negative thought processes as easily as you can release the steam from a tea pot. Once free of this negative energy, including the feeling to always compete, you will be able to embrace the notion that everyone can be a success, and you will likely feel a sense of relief, contentment and peace that you may never have experienced before.

HOW TO BE HAPPY

Here are 5 tips on how to live a happy life?

Tip # 1. Study to work on YOU! That means work on personal development. Be involved in self-improvement. Work on your walk-head held high, no slouching, or holding your head down. Smile alot no frowns. Work on your body, mind, and well-being. Read 10 pages a day on a good book to build your knowledge. Be your own library. Listen to audios for 15 minutes. Rise to the occasion and be the best that you can be.

Tip #2. Work on your spirituality! Do know that you are a spiritual being. Know that everything and everyone has a source. Tree-Dirt, Fish-Water, Man-God. That being the case stay close to your source. Pray for instructions, guidance, and understanding. Meditate and read your Bible. Practice fasting so that you can clear your mind and body.

Tip #3 Treat people the way you want to be treated. Love your neighbors like you love yourself. Respect people and yourself. Be kind and send out loving thoughts.

Tip #4 Learn to forgive. Don't hold grudges. Don't keep bad thoughts in your body it will make you sick. Don't have resentment in your heart because that will cause liver problems. Don't be mad at someone that can cause a heart attack. Negativity literally causes a dis- ease in the body. So keep your body at ease and release toxic thoughts and feelings. Learn to cry and let go, that will also relieve toxic when you cry. Crying will make you feel better so do that as often as you like. It doesn't show weakness, it may just save your life- men.

Tip # 5 Help someone. To have a happy life forget about you and help somebody else. When you help someone else, all of your needs will be met too. The saying goes, "If you will help enough people get where they are trying to go, you will be where you want to be." So practice each day to do something nice for someone without looking for anything in return.

These are just a few tips that I have practiced and my life is happy. If you can only do one thing, then prayer is the answer to all things. If you can start your day with prayer, then you will gain understanding, insights and directions that will lead you to living a happy life.

COMMANDMENTS OF SUCCESS

1ST THOU MUST LABOR EACH DAY AS IF THY LIFE HUNG IN THE BALANCE

You were not created for a life of idleness. You cannot eat from sunrise to sunset or drink or play or make love. Work is not your enemy but your friend. If all manners of labor were forbidden to thee you would fall to your knees and beg an early death.

You need not love the tasks you do. Even kings dream of other occupations. Yet you must work and it is how you do, not what you do, that determines the course of your life. No man who is careless with his hammer will ever build a palace.

You may work grudgingly or you may work gratefully; you may work as a human or you may work as an animal. Still, there is no work so rude that you may exalt it; no work so demeaning that you cannot breathe a soul into it; no work so dull that you may not enliven it.

Always perform all that is asked of you and more. Thy reward will come.

Know that there is only one certain method of attaining success and that is through hard work. If you are unwilling to pay this price for distinction, be prepared for a lifetime of mediocrity and poverty.

Pity those who abuse you and ask why you deliver so much in return for so little. Those who give less, receive less.

Never be tempted to diminish your efforts, even if you should labor for another. You are no less a success if someone else is paying you to work for yourself. Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.

Be grateful for your tasks and their demands. If it were not for your work, no matter how distasteful it may seem, you could neither eat so much, nor relish so pleasantly, nor sleep so soundly, nor be so healthful, nor enjoy the secure smiles of gratitude from those who love you for what you are, not for what you do.

---

2ND THOU MUST LEARN THAT WITH PATIENCE YE CAN CONTROL DESTINY.

Know that the more enduring thy patience, the more certain thy reward. There is no great accomplishment that is not the result of patient working and waiting.

Life is not a race. No road will be too long for you if you advance deliberately and without haste. Avoid, like the plague, every carriage that halts to offer you a swift journey to wealth, fame and power. Life has such hard conditions, even at its best, that the temptations when they appear, can destroy you. Walk. You are able.

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. With patience you can bear up under any adversity and survive any defeat. With patience you can control your destiny and have what you will.

Patience is the key to contentment, for you and for those who must live with you.

Realize that you cannot hurry success any more than the lives of the field can bloom before their season. What pyramid was ever built by a stone at a time? How poor are they who have not patience? What wound did ever heal but by degrees?

Every priceless attribute which wise men trumpet as necessary for the achievement of success is useless without patience. To be brave without patience can kill you. To be ambitious without patience can destroy the most promising careers. To strive for wealth without patience will only separate you from your thin purse. And to persevere without patience is always impossible. Who can hold on, who can persevere, without the waiting that attends it?

Patience is power. Employ it to stiffen your spirit, sweeten your temper, stifle your anger, bury your envy, subdue you pride, bridle your tongue, restrain your hand, and deliver you whole, in due time, to the life you deserve.

----

3RD THOU MUST CHART THY COURSE WITH CARE OR YE WILL DRIFT FOREVER.

Without hard work you have learned that you will never succeed. So also, without patience. Yet one may work diligently and be more patient than Job and still never rise above mediocrity unless plans are drawn and goals are established.

No ship ever lifted anchor and set sail without a destination. No army ever marched off to battle without a plan for victory. No olive tree ever displayed its flowers without promise of the fruit to come.

It is impossible to advance properly in life without goals.

Life is a game with few players and many spectators. Those who watch are the hordes who wander through life with no dreams, no goals, no plans even for tomorrow. Do not pity them. They made their choice when they made no choice. To watch the races from the stands is safe. Who can stumble, who can fall, who can be jeered if they make no effort to participate?

Art thou a player? As a player ye cannot lose. Those who win may carry off the fruits of victory and yet those who are defeated, today, have learned valuable lessons that may turn the tide for them tomorrow.

What do you want of your life? Consider long and well before you decide, for you may attain what you seek. Is it wealth, power, a loving home, peace of mind, land respect, position? Whatever your goals may be, fix them in your mind and never let loose. Understand that even this may not be sufficient, for life is unfair. Now all who work hard patiently and have goals will achieve success. Without any of these three ingredients, however, failure is certainty.

Give yourself every chance to succeed. And if you fail, fail trying!

Draw up your plans today. Ask yourself where you will be, a year from today, if you are still doing the things you are doing now. Then decide where you would prefer to be in terms of wealth or position or whatever your dreams may be. Next, plan what you must do, in the next twelve months, to reach your goal.

And finally, DO IT!

-----

4TH THOU MUST PREPARE FOR DARKNESS WHILE TRAVELING IN THE SUNLIGHT.

Realize that no condition is permanent. There are seasons in your life as in nature. No situation confronts thee, good or bad, will last.

Make no plans that extend beyond a year. In life, as in war, plans of long-range have no significance. All depends on the way unexpected movements of the enemy, that cannot be foreseen, are met, and how the whole matter is handled.

Your enemy, if you are not prepared, can be the cycles of life, mysterious rhythms of ups and downs like the great seas that rise and fall on the shores of the world. High tide and low, sunrise and sunset, wealth and poverty, joy and despair - each of these forces will prevail in their time.

Pity the rich man, riding the high tide of what seems an endless chain of great accomplishments. When calamity strikes he is ill-prepared and come to utter ruin. Always be prepared for the worst.

Pity the poor man, buried in the low tide of failure, after failure, sadness after sadness. Eventually he ceases trying, just as the tide is changing and success is reaching out to embrace him. Never stop trying.

Always have faith that conditions will change. Though your heart be heavy and your body bruised and your purse empty and there is no one to comfort you- hold on. Just as you know the sun will rise, so also believe that your period of misfortune must end. It was always so. It will always be.

And if your work and your patience and your plans have brought you good fortune, seek out those whose tide is low and lift them up. Prepare for your future. The day may come when what thou hast done for another will also be done for thee.

Remember that nothing is constant, but treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished.

And plan to lose even that love, after a time, knowing that one day you will be reunited for all eternity in a place where there are no cycles, no ups and downs, no pain or sorrow , and above all, no failures.

-----

5TH THOU MUST SMILE IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY UNTIL IT SURRENDERS.

You are wiser than most, once you realize that adversity is never the permanent condition of man. And yet this wisdom alone is not sufficient. Adversity and failure can destroy you while you wait patiently for your fortune to change. Deal with them in only one way.

Welcome them both, with open arms!

Since this injunction goes against all logic or reason, it is the most difficult to understand or master.

Let the tears you shed, over you misfortunes, cleans thine eyes so that ye might see the truth. Realize that he who wrestles with you always strengthens your nerves and sharpens your skills. Your antagonist is always, in the end, your best helper.

Adversity is the rain of your life, cold, comfortless, and unfriendly. Yet from that season are born the lily, the rose, the date, and the pomegranate. Who can tell what great things you will bring forth after you have been parched by the heat of tribulation and drenched by the rains of affliction? Even the dessert blooms after a storm.

Adversity is also your greatest teacher. You will learn little from your victories but when you are pushed, tormented and defeated you will acquire great knowledge, for only then you will become acquainted with your true self since you are free, at last, from those who flatter thee. And who are your friends? When adversity engulfs you is the best time to count on them.

Remind thyself, in the darkest moments, that every failure is only a step toward success, every detection of what is false directs you toward what is true, every trial exhausts some tempting form of error, and every adversity will only hide, for a time, your path to peace and fulfillment.

----

6TH THOU MUST REALIZE THAT PLANS ARE ONLY DREAMS WITHOUT ACTION.

He whose ambition creeps instead of soars, who is always uncertain, who procrastinates instead of acts, struggles in vain against failure.

Is he not imprudent who, seeing the tide making toward him, will sleep until the sea overwhelms him? Is he not foolish who, given the opportunity to improve his lot, will deliberate until his neighbor is chosen instead?

Only action gives to life its strength, its joy, its purpose. The world will always determine your worth by the deeds you do. Who can measure you talents by the thoughts you have or the emotions you feel? And how will you proclaim your abilities if you are always a spectator and never a player?

Take heart. Know that activity and sadness are eternal opposites. When they muscles are straining and fingers are gripping and feet are moving and you mind is occupied with the task at hand you have little time for self-pity and remorse. Action is the balm that will heal any wound.

Remember that patience is the art of waiting, with faith, for the life you deserve through your good works, but action is the power that makes good works possible. Even the length of thy wait, for the good things you have earned, seems less when you are busy.

No one will act for you. Your plans will remain no more than an idler’s dream until you rise up and fight against the forces that would keep you small. To take action is always dangerous, but to sit and wait for the good things of life to fall into thy lap is the only calling where failures excel.

Everything that lies between your cradle and your grave is always marked with uncertainty. Laugh at your doubts and move ahead. And if it is leisure you seek, instead of work, take heart. The more you do, the more you can do, and the busier you are, the more leisure you will have.

Act or ye will be acted upon.

----

7TH THOU MUST SWEEP COBWEBS FROM THY MIND BEFORE THEY IMPRISON THEE.

The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, or a hell of heaven.

Why do you think of the love that your own foolishness and temerity caused you to lose, long ago? Will that memory help your digestion this morning?

Why do you still grieve over your failures? Will tears improve thy skills while you labor for your family, today?

Why do you still remember the fact of he who harmed thee? Will the thought of sweet revenge enable you to sleep better tonight?

Friends dead, jobs failed, words that wounded, grudges undeserved, money lost, sorrows unhealed, goals failed, ambitions destroyed, loyalties betrayed- Why have ye preserved all this evil clutter as if it had value? Why have ye allowed such cobwebs of infamy to gather in the attic of your mind until there is scarcely room for a happy thought about this day?

Sweep out the tragic strands to the past that have accumulated with the years. Their festering entrails will choke you, in time, if you are not diligent. The ability to forget is a virtue, not a vice.

And yet, to know that yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, its pain and tears, has passed forever and cannot harm you, is not enough. So also must you believe that you can do nothing about tomorrow, with its possible heartaches and blunders, until the sun rises again. All you have, that you can fashion as you wish, is the hour at hand.

Never let worry about tomorrow cast shadow over today. What madness is to be expecting evil before it come. Waste not a moment’s thought on that which may never happen. Concern thyself only with the present. He who worries about calamities suffers them twice over.

Forget what is PAST and let GOD concern Himself with the future. He is far more capable than you.

-----

8TH THOU MUST LIGHTEN THY LOAD IF YE WOULD REACH THY DESTINATION.

How different you are now from the infant that you were. You came into this world with nothing, but through the years you have allowed yourself to be weighed down by so much heavy baggage, in the name of security, that your journey through life has become a punishment instead a pleasure.

Lighten thy load, beginning today.

Understand that the true worth of man is measured by the objects he refuses to pursue or acquire. The great blessings of life are already within you, or within your reach. Open thine eyes to the truth before you stumble past the very treasures you seek. Love, peace of mind, and happiness are jewels which are no condition of fortune, no amount of land or coin, can either exalt or depress.

What reward is there in gold and silks and palaces if their possession destroys the happiness you have so blindly taken for granted? The greatest falsehood in the world is that money and property can fill your life with joy/ If wealth becomes part of your baggage you become poor, for then you will be no more than an ass whose back bows under the weight of gold you must carry until death unloads thy cargo.

Of all the needless materials that you embrace, of all the pleasures you enjoy, you will still carry no more out of this world that out of a dream. Admit riches grudgingly into thy home, but never into thy heart.

And envy no man his grand possessions. His baggage would be too heavy for you, as it is for him. You could not sacrifice, as he does, health, peace, honor, love , quiet, and conscience, to obtain them. The price is so high that the bargain becomes, in the end, a great loss.

Simplify your life. He is richest who is content with the least.

-------

9TH THOU MUST NEVER FORGET THAT IT IS ALWAYS LATER THAN YE THINK.

Remember that the black camel of death is always near. Abide always with the thought that you will not live forever. Such is the irony of life that his knowledge, alone, will enable you to taste the sweetness of each new day instead of bemoaning the darkness of your nights.

All of us have been dying, hour by hour, since the moment we were born. Realizing this, let all things be placed in their proper perspective so that thine eyes will be opened until you see that those mountains which threaten you are only anthills and those beasts which seek to devour you are only gnats. Live with death as your companion but never fear it. Many are so afraid to die that they never live. Have compassion for them. How can they know that the happiness of death is concealed for us so that e might better endure life?

Imagine that you are called away forever, tonight. Shed tears now, while you are able, for that day of play you promised your family last week, and the week before, a day of love and laughter you were always too busy pursuing gold to enjoy. And now they have your gold, it is true, but with all of it they cannot buy even a fleeting moment of your smile.

Shed tears now, while your heart still beats, for the flowers you will never smell, the good deeds you will never do, the mother you will never visit, the music you will never hear, the pains you will never comfort, the tasks you will never complete, the dreams you will never realize.

Remember that it is always later than you think. Fasten this warning deep in your mind, not for sorrow’s sake but to remind yourself that today may be all you have. Learn to live with death but never flee from it.

For if you die, you will be with GOD . And if you live, HE will be with you.

---

10TH THOU MUST NEVER STRIVE TO BE ANYTHING BUT THYSELF.

To be what you are and to become what you are capable of becoming is the secret of a happy life.

Every living soul has different talents, different desires, different faculties. Be yourself. Try to be anything else but your genuine self, even if you deceive the entire world, and you will be ten thousand times worse than nothing.

Never waste any effort into elevating yourself into something you are not, to please another. Never put on false masks to gratify your vanity. Never strain to be valued for your accomplishments or you will cease to be valued for thyself.

Consider the plants and the animals of the field, how they live. Does a cotton plant bear even one apple? Does a pomegranate trees ever produce on orange? Does a lion attempt to fly?

Only man, of all living things, foolishly strives to be other than what he was intended to be until life marks him a misfit. Misfits are the failures of the world, always chasing after a more fruitful career they will never find unless they look behind them.

You cannot choose your calling. Your calling chooses you. You have been blessed with special skills that yours alone. Use them, whatever they may be and forget about wearing another ‘s hat. A talented chariot driver can win gold and renown with his skills. Let him pick figs and he would starve.

No one can take your place. Realize this and be yourself. You have no obligation to succeed. You have only the obligation to be true to yourself.

Do the very best that you can in the things you do best, and you will know, in thy soul, that you are the greatest success in the world.

TEN REASONS WHY PEOPLE FAIL

1.	Taking Action Without Planning
	When it comes to your goals and future, impulsiveness is the mother of regret. Considerable thought must be given to the ends as well as the means of your strategy.
2.	Planning Without Taking Action
	Endless preparation is worse than action without planning. Accept that things will never be perfect. Questions will forever exist. Plan well and launch!
3.	Unrealistic Timeframes and Expectations
	Life is a process not an event. Nothing great was ever built easily. Exercise wisdom and learn to be patient. Unfortunately most things in life take longer and cost more than the best-laid plans anticipate.
4.	Reasons "Why" Are Unclear
	Why you want to achieve a goal is more important than the goal itself. Before taking action on anything it is imperative that you ask yourself this key question: "Why do I want to achieve this goal?"
5.	Denial of Reality
	It's far easier to deny reality than it is to accept it. And far too many people take what seems like the easy way out. Success is information dependent, when we deny reality for whatever reason, we devalue the integrity of our information, thus ensuring failure.
6.	Conflicting Values
	When we have not clarified our reasons why or defined what success means to us personally, we operate on someone else's definition. When that occurs values are sure to be in conflict and progress is short- circuited.
7.	Diffusion of Energy
	Attempting to do too much is a recipe for mediocrity. Rather than doing an excellent job at a few chosen goals we spread our energies over a vast terrain and diffuse what matters most; time and energy.
8.	Lack of Focus
	Success demands focus. It is the hallmark of all truly great people. Your ability to get and remain focused or lack there of is perhaps the key determinant of your success.
9.	Trying To Do It All Alone
	Nobody goes through life alone, we all need the cooperation and assistance of others. Put your pride aside and learn to ask for help when you need it. Learn to leverage and share knowledge for your own well being as well as for others who are dependent upon your cooperation.
10.	Fear Of Failure
	Fear of failure is The "Grand Daddy" of them all. Far too many dreams have suffocated and died because of it. Fear resides where knowledge does not exist; the more you know about anything the less intimidated that you feel. Replace your fears with knowledge and watch your performance leap.

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Most people feel bad about themselves from time to time. Feelings of low self-esteem may be triggered by being treated poorly by someone else recently or in the past, or by a person’s own judgments of him or herself. This is normal. However, low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people, especially those who experience depression, anxiety, phobias, psychosis, delusional thinking, or who have an illness or a disability. If you are one of these people, you may go through life feeling bad about yourself needlessly. Low self-esteem keeps you from enjoying life, doing the things you want to do, and working toward personal goals.

You have a right to feel good about yourself. However, it can be very difficult to feel good about yourself when you are under the stress of having symptoms that are hard to manage, when you are dealing with a disability, when you are having a difficult time, or when others are treating you badly. At these times, it is easy to be drawn into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem. For instance, you may begin feeling bad about yourself when someone insults you, you are under a lot of pressure at work, or you are having a difficult time getting along with someone in your family. Then you begin to give yourself negative self-talk, like "I'm no good." That may make you feel so bad about yourself that you do something to hurt yourself or someone else, such as getting drunk or yelling at your children. You can avoid doing things that make you feel even worse and do those things that will make you feel better about yourself.

This booklet will give you ideas on things you can do to feel better about yourself–to raise your self-esteem. The ideas have come from people like yourself, people who realize they have low self-esteem and are working to improve it.

As you begin to use the methods in this booklet and other methods that you may think of to improve your self-esteem, you may notice that you have some feelings of resistance to positive feelings about yourself. This is normal. Don't let these feelings stop you from feeling good about yourself. They will diminish as you feel better and better about yourself. To help relieve these feelings, let your friends know what you are going through. Have a good cry if you can. Do things to relax, such as meditating or taking a nice warm bath.

HOW TO KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP HEALTHY AND HAPPY

Some relationships are stronger and more meaningful than others. Some couples seem to have precisely "what it takes" to keep a long-term relationship thriving when others seem to crumble and fall by the wayside. Do you know how to keep your relationship happy and healthy? Here are tips from couples intuitive coaching sessions designed to help the most important relationships in our lives on the right track for the future.

Step1

Periodically take stock of the relationship. If you are in a relationship that isn't what it used to be, ask yourself why. Did you stop taking care of this relationship or is your partner at fault? Has one of you quite naturally outgrown your commitment in this relationship or simply chosen to take a new, solitary path into the future? There are no guarantees in life, only "promise" in terms of what has yet to come. If you can hold fast to this promise--the potential for a happy, fulfilling life shared together alive--you have won half the battle already.

Step2

Make the most of what you've got. If you have a relationship that is precious to you, do everything possible to make the most of it every day. Tend it, fortify it, nurture it. Give it all the time and attention you can because, as we are growing from day to day, our relationships are either "thriving" or "dying" in the midst of our own personal growth. They don't remain the same. It's up to each of us to see that our relationships maintain strength and good emotional health as we gravitate and grow toward the future.

Step3

Think of a couple you admire and determine what it is that makes their relationship so special. Does she show her man enough faith to allow him to have friends and activities that don't include her? Does he encourage her to fulfill herself by advancing her education or pursuing a dream of another sort? Do they make their relationship a major priority in their lives, showing each other constant respect, love and support? Once you realize what it is that makes them "tick" as a couple, bring those values into your own relationship. Encourage the same qualities from your own partner. It's amazing what we can achieve for ourselves at times simply by observing and learning from others.

Step4

Consider how well the two of you communicate. Are you strong enough in your love for each other to be able to express yourselves openly? Even when you disagree or one of you has disappointed the other? Do you allow yourselves enough room to make mistakes and receive forgiveness when you need it? Ask each other what areas in terms of communication in the relationship you might improve on. When you ask, be willing to listen.
You'll be receiving vital information that, put to use, can only make the relationship happier for each of you in the long run.

Step5

Evaluate how well you understand each other's intimate/sexual needs. Intimacy is important in committed relationships. It is a chance for the two of you to express your love for each other, yes; but it's also a time for the two of you to simply "enjoy" each other--body, mind and spirit. If something is lacking in the relationship sexually, try to talk it out. Work on finding a solution together. Try a good-spirited trade-off: "If I give you such-and-such (sexually), you will give me (fill in the blank." It isn't a crime to have fun in the bedroom, with each other and your individual desires. Of course, both of you aren't going to have the same preferences sexually, but you can give to each other what the other needs or wants, simply because you love that person as much as you do.

Step6

Give your relationship a routine commitment check-up. How close and connected "are" the two of you? Are you doing all you can to ensure that you grow together and not apart? Do you make time for each other, even when life gets extremely hectic? Discuss ways that the two of you could work together to strengthen your relationship; say, reserving time after work for a cuddle with your favorite CD playing or a Saturday morning breakfast shared every week at your favorite cozy restaurant? Remember, life is going to have its ups and downs. There will be times of conflict and struggle. What you do to keep your relationship thriving will be the "glue" that holds you close through the roughest of times. The best relationships, after all, are worth working at and fighting for.

TAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP

We have all heard this advice before. No matter how wonderful togetherness feels in a relationship, it is still crucial for partners to take time for themselves. There is simply no way that a man or a woman can fulfill all of their partner’s needs; it’s just impossible to do. Too often people will give up a favorite hobby, sport or pastime in the beginning of a relationship to devote more time and energy to making the relationship work. But what happens down the road when one or both partners realize that they are terribly out of balance and not taking time for themselves? Relationship stress, miscommunication or worse: resentment and emotional pain can result.

It is healthy to have different interests. In fact, giving up our own interests and the little things we do to nurture ourselves when a relationship starts will eventually lead to resentment down the road.

It’s important for both partners to value quality relaxation time. There is absolutely no need to feel guilty about spending time alone. Independence is good for both men and women, no matter how close they may be in the relationship. Typically, when one partner actively takes some alone time, their partner is encouraged to do the same.

How our differences complement each other:

Just as men and women have different needs in a relationship, they also have different reasons for needing time to themselves. Too much togetherness usually results in partners expecting too much from each other. Women may tend to smother their mates, while men may seem cold and uncaring. It is healthy for each partner to take time out to explore his or her individual interests.

What Men Need:
Men need to periodically pull away. Remember that men are like rubber bands. It is his natural cycle to get close, pull away and get close again. It is important for men to fulfill their need for independence. Men automatically alternate between needing intimacy and autonomy. Give a man his space and he will be a better, more attentive, partner. When a man gets too close and doesn’t pull away, he often experiences increased moodiness, irritability, passivity and defensiveness.

Also, when a man is in his cave, he wants to be left alone. He is working out his problems and frustrations by either doing something alone, like reading the paper or watching TV, or doing something active with his male friends.

Most men are happy when their mates do something fun for themselves at these times. It means that she is not sitting around waiting for him to come out of the cave. He will come out ready to talk and be intimate again, and she will have curbed her frustrations by being good to herself and having some fun.

What Women Need:
It is good for a woman’s self-esteem to take care of herself. She can get wrapped up in taking care of her family and forget how much she needs to nurture herself. Particularly when a man is off in his cave, she can enjoy the time alone to go shopping, work in her garden, go to a class at the gym or simply languish in the simple pleasure of soaking in a hot bath with a glass of wine.

It is especially important for a woman to cultivate relationships with other women. Women need to talk about what’s happening in their lives. On Venus, this is an important part of relationship building. Since this is not the case on Mars, it is wonderful for a woman to get together with her girlfriends so they can talk about, and listen to, each other’s problems without judgment or offering unsolicited advice.

Couples can even plan these separate times apart. For instance, Tuesday could be his poker night with the boys, and Thursday her night for dinner and a movie with her girlfriends. Both partners will not only appreciate the time to do the things that make them feel good, but will come back feeling renewed and excited to be in such a healthy, well-balanced relationship.