COMMANDMENTS OF SUCCESS

1ST THOU MUST LABOR EACH DAY AS IF THY LIFE HUNG IN THE BALANCE

You were not created for a life of idleness. You cannot eat from sunrise to sunset or drink or play or make love. Work is not your enemy but your friend. If all manners of labor were forbidden to thee you would fall to your knees and beg an early death.

You need not love the tasks you do. Even kings dream of other occupations. Yet you must work and it is how you do, not what you do, that determines the course of your life. No man who is careless with his hammer will ever build a palace.

You may work grudgingly or you may work gratefully; you may work as a human or you may work as an animal. Still, there is no work so rude that you may exalt it; no work so demeaning that you cannot breathe a soul into it; no work so dull that you may not enliven it.

Always perform all that is asked of you and more. Thy reward will come.

Know that there is only one certain method of attaining success and that is through hard work. If you are unwilling to pay this price for distinction, be prepared for a lifetime of mediocrity and poverty.

Pity those who abuse you and ask why you deliver so much in return for so little. Those who give less, receive less.

Never be tempted to diminish your efforts, even if you should labor for another. You are no less a success if someone else is paying you to work for yourself. Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.

Be grateful for your tasks and their demands. If it were not for your work, no matter how distasteful it may seem, you could neither eat so much, nor relish so pleasantly, nor sleep so soundly, nor be so healthful, nor enjoy the secure smiles of gratitude from those who love you for what you are, not for what you do.

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2ND THOU MUST LEARN THAT WITH PATIENCE YE CAN CONTROL DESTINY.

Know that the more enduring thy patience, the more certain thy reward. There is no great accomplishment that is not the result of patient working and waiting.

Life is not a race. No road will be too long for you if you advance deliberately and without haste. Avoid, like the plague, every carriage that halts to offer you a swift journey to wealth, fame and power. Life has such hard conditions, even at its best, that the temptations when they appear, can destroy you. Walk. You are able.

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. With patience you can bear up under any adversity and survive any defeat. With patience you can control your destiny and have what you will.

Patience is the key to contentment, for you and for those who must live with you.

Realize that you cannot hurry success any more than the lives of the field can bloom before their season. What pyramid was ever built by a stone at a time? How poor are they who have not patience? What wound did ever heal but by degrees?

Every priceless attribute which wise men trumpet as necessary for the achievement of success is useless without patience. To be brave without patience can kill you. To be ambitious without patience can destroy the most promising careers. To strive for wealth without patience will only separate you from your thin purse. And to persevere without patience is always impossible. Who can hold on, who can persevere, without the waiting that attends it?

Patience is power. Employ it to stiffen your spirit, sweeten your temper, stifle your anger, bury your envy, subdue you pride, bridle your tongue, restrain your hand, and deliver you whole, in due time, to the life you deserve.

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3RD THOU MUST CHART THY COURSE WITH CARE OR YE WILL DRIFT FOREVER.

Without hard work you have learned that you will never succeed. So also, without patience. Yet one may work diligently and be more patient than Job and still never rise above mediocrity unless plans are drawn and goals are established.

No ship ever lifted anchor and set sail without a destination. No army ever marched off to battle without a plan for victory. No olive tree ever displayed its flowers without promise of the fruit to come.

It is impossible to advance properly in life without goals.

Life is a game with few players and many spectators. Those who watch are the hordes who wander through life with no dreams, no goals, no plans even for tomorrow. Do not pity them. They made their choice when they made no choice. To watch the races from the stands is safe. Who can stumble, who can fall, who can be jeered if they make no effort to participate?

Art thou a player? As a player ye cannot lose. Those who win may carry off the fruits of victory and yet those who are defeated, today, have learned valuable lessons that may turn the tide for them tomorrow.

What do you want of your life? Consider long and well before you decide, for you may attain what you seek. Is it wealth, power, a loving home, peace of mind, land respect, position? Whatever your goals may be, fix them in your mind and never let loose. Understand that even this may not be sufficient, for life is unfair. Now all who work hard patiently and have goals will achieve success. Without any of these three ingredients, however, failure is certainty.

Give yourself every chance to succeed. And if you fail, fail trying!

Draw up your plans today. Ask yourself where you will be, a year from today, if you are still doing the things you are doing now. Then decide where you would prefer to be in terms of wealth or position or whatever your dreams may be. Next, plan what you must do, in the next twelve months, to reach your goal.

And finally, DO IT!

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4TH THOU MUST PREPARE FOR DARKNESS WHILE TRAVELING IN THE SUNLIGHT.

Realize that no condition is permanent. There are seasons in your life as in nature. No situation confronts thee, good or bad, will last.

Make no plans that extend beyond a year. In life, as in war, plans of long-range have no significance. All depends on the way unexpected movements of the enemy, that cannot be foreseen, are met, and how the whole matter is handled.

Your enemy, if you are not prepared, can be the cycles of life, mysterious rhythms of ups and downs like the great seas that rise and fall on the shores of the world. High tide and low, sunrise and sunset, wealth and poverty, joy and despair - each of these forces will prevail in their time.

Pity the rich man, riding the high tide of what seems an endless chain of great accomplishments. When calamity strikes he is ill-prepared and come to utter ruin. Always be prepared for the worst.

Pity the poor man, buried in the low tide of failure, after failure, sadness after sadness. Eventually he ceases trying, just as the tide is changing and success is reaching out to embrace him. Never stop trying.

Always have faith that conditions will change. Though your heart be heavy and your body bruised and your purse empty and there is no one to comfort you- hold on. Just as you know the sun will rise, so also believe that your period of misfortune must end. It was always so. It will always be.

And if your work and your patience and your plans have brought you good fortune, seek out those whose tide is low and lift them up. Prepare for your future. The day may come when what thou hast done for another will also be done for thee.

Remember that nothing is constant, but treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished.

And plan to lose even that love, after a time, knowing that one day you will be reunited for all eternity in a place where there are no cycles, no ups and downs, no pain or sorrow , and above all, no failures.

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5TH THOU MUST SMILE IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY UNTIL IT SURRENDERS.

You are wiser than most, once you realize that adversity is never the permanent condition of man. And yet this wisdom alone is not sufficient. Adversity and failure can destroy you while you wait patiently for your fortune to change. Deal with them in only one way.

Welcome them both, with open arms!

Since this injunction goes against all logic or reason, it is the most difficult to understand or master.

Let the tears you shed, over you misfortunes, cleans thine eyes so that ye might see the truth. Realize that he who wrestles with you always strengthens your nerves and sharpens your skills. Your antagonist is always, in the end, your best helper.

Adversity is the rain of your life, cold, comfortless, and unfriendly. Yet from that season are born the lily, the rose, the date, and the pomegranate. Who can tell what great things you will bring forth after you have been parched by the heat of tribulation and drenched by the rains of affliction? Even the dessert blooms after a storm.

Adversity is also your greatest teacher. You will learn little from your victories but when you are pushed, tormented and defeated you will acquire great knowledge, for only then you will become acquainted with your true self since you are free, at last, from those who flatter thee. And who are your friends? When adversity engulfs you is the best time to count on them.

Remind thyself, in the darkest moments, that every failure is only a step toward success, every detection of what is false directs you toward what is true, every trial exhausts some tempting form of error, and every adversity will only hide, for a time, your path to peace and fulfillment.

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6TH THOU MUST REALIZE THAT PLANS ARE ONLY DREAMS WITHOUT ACTION.

He whose ambition creeps instead of soars, who is always uncertain, who procrastinates instead of acts, struggles in vain against failure.

Is he not imprudent who, seeing the tide making toward him, will sleep until the sea overwhelms him? Is he not foolish who, given the opportunity to improve his lot, will deliberate until his neighbor is chosen instead?

Only action gives to life its strength, its joy, its purpose. The world will always determine your worth by the deeds you do. Who can measure you talents by the thoughts you have or the emotions you feel? And how will you proclaim your abilities if you are always a spectator and never a player?

Take heart. Know that activity and sadness are eternal opposites. When they muscles are straining and fingers are gripping and feet are moving and you mind is occupied with the task at hand you have little time for self-pity and remorse. Action is the balm that will heal any wound.

Remember that patience is the art of waiting, with faith, for the life you deserve through your good works, but action is the power that makes good works possible. Even the length of thy wait, for the good things you have earned, seems less when you are busy.

No one will act for you. Your plans will remain no more than an idler’s dream until you rise up and fight against the forces that would keep you small. To take action is always dangerous, but to sit and wait for the good things of life to fall into thy lap is the only calling where failures excel.

Everything that lies between your cradle and your grave is always marked with uncertainty. Laugh at your doubts and move ahead. And if it is leisure you seek, instead of work, take heart. The more you do, the more you can do, and the busier you are, the more leisure you will have.

Act or ye will be acted upon.

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7TH THOU MUST SWEEP COBWEBS FROM THY MIND BEFORE THEY IMPRISON THEE.

The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, or a hell of heaven.

Why do you think of the love that your own foolishness and temerity caused you to lose, long ago? Will that memory help your digestion this morning?

Why do you still grieve over your failures? Will tears improve thy skills while you labor for your family, today?

Why do you still remember the fact of he who harmed thee? Will the thought of sweet revenge enable you to sleep better tonight?

Friends dead, jobs failed, words that wounded, grudges undeserved, money lost, sorrows unhealed, goals failed, ambitions destroyed, loyalties betrayed- Why have ye preserved all this evil clutter as if it had value? Why have ye allowed such cobwebs of infamy to gather in the attic of your mind until there is scarcely room for a happy thought about this day?

Sweep out the tragic strands to the past that have accumulated with the years. Their festering entrails will choke you, in time, if you are not diligent. The ability to forget is a virtue, not a vice.

And yet, to know that yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, its pain and tears, has passed forever and cannot harm you, is not enough. So also must you believe that you can do nothing about tomorrow, with its possible heartaches and blunders, until the sun rises again. All you have, that you can fashion as you wish, is the hour at hand.

Never let worry about tomorrow cast shadow over today. What madness is to be expecting evil before it come. Waste not a moment’s thought on that which may never happen. Concern thyself only with the present. He who worries about calamities suffers them twice over.

Forget what is PAST and let GOD concern Himself with the future. He is far more capable than you.

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8TH THOU MUST LIGHTEN THY LOAD IF YE WOULD REACH THY DESTINATION.

How different you are now from the infant that you were. You came into this world with nothing, but through the years you have allowed yourself to be weighed down by so much heavy baggage, in the name of security, that your journey through life has become a punishment instead a pleasure.

Lighten thy load, beginning today.

Understand that the true worth of man is measured by the objects he refuses to pursue or acquire. The great blessings of life are already within you, or within your reach. Open thine eyes to the truth before you stumble past the very treasures you seek. Love, peace of mind, and happiness are jewels which are no condition of fortune, no amount of land or coin, can either exalt or depress.

What reward is there in gold and silks and palaces if their possession destroys the happiness you have so blindly taken for granted? The greatest falsehood in the world is that money and property can fill your life with joy/ If wealth becomes part of your baggage you become poor, for then you will be no more than an ass whose back bows under the weight of gold you must carry until death unloads thy cargo.

Of all the needless materials that you embrace, of all the pleasures you enjoy, you will still carry no more out of this world that out of a dream. Admit riches grudgingly into thy home, but never into thy heart.

And envy no man his grand possessions. His baggage would be too heavy for you, as it is for him. You could not sacrifice, as he does, health, peace, honor, love , quiet, and conscience, to obtain them. The price is so high that the bargain becomes, in the end, a great loss.

Simplify your life. He is richest who is content with the least.

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9TH THOU MUST NEVER FORGET THAT IT IS ALWAYS LATER THAN YE THINK.

Remember that the black camel of death is always near. Abide always with the thought that you will not live forever. Such is the irony of life that his knowledge, alone, will enable you to taste the sweetness of each new day instead of bemoaning the darkness of your nights.

All of us have been dying, hour by hour, since the moment we were born. Realizing this, let all things be placed in their proper perspective so that thine eyes will be opened until you see that those mountains which threaten you are only anthills and those beasts which seek to devour you are only gnats. Live with death as your companion but never fear it. Many are so afraid to die that they never live. Have compassion for them. How can they know that the happiness of death is concealed for us so that e might better endure life?

Imagine that you are called away forever, tonight. Shed tears now, while you are able, for that day of play you promised your family last week, and the week before, a day of love and laughter you were always too busy pursuing gold to enjoy. And now they have your gold, it is true, but with all of it they cannot buy even a fleeting moment of your smile.

Shed tears now, while your heart still beats, for the flowers you will never smell, the good deeds you will never do, the mother you will never visit, the music you will never hear, the pains you will never comfort, the tasks you will never complete, the dreams you will never realize.

Remember that it is always later than you think. Fasten this warning deep in your mind, not for sorrow’s sake but to remind yourself that today may be all you have. Learn to live with death but never flee from it.

For if you die, you will be with GOD . And if you live, HE will be with you.

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10TH THOU MUST NEVER STRIVE TO BE ANYTHING BUT THYSELF.

To be what you are and to become what you are capable of becoming is the secret of a happy life.

Every living soul has different talents, different desires, different faculties. Be yourself. Try to be anything else but your genuine self, even if you deceive the entire world, and you will be ten thousand times worse than nothing.

Never waste any effort into elevating yourself into something you are not, to please another. Never put on false masks to gratify your vanity. Never strain to be valued for your accomplishments or you will cease to be valued for thyself.

Consider the plants and the animals of the field, how they live. Does a cotton plant bear even one apple? Does a pomegranate trees ever produce on orange? Does a lion attempt to fly?

Only man, of all living things, foolishly strives to be other than what he was intended to be until life marks him a misfit. Misfits are the failures of the world, always chasing after a more fruitful career they will never find unless they look behind them.

You cannot choose your calling. Your calling chooses you. You have been blessed with special skills that yours alone. Use them, whatever they may be and forget about wearing another ‘s hat. A talented chariot driver can win gold and renown with his skills. Let him pick figs and he would starve.

No one can take your place. Realize this and be yourself. You have no obligation to succeed. You have only the obligation to be true to yourself.

Do the very best that you can in the things you do best, and you will know, in thy soul, that you are the greatest success in the world.

TEN REASONS WHY PEOPLE FAIL

1.	Taking Action Without Planning
	When it comes to your goals and future, impulsiveness is the mother of regret. Considerable thought must be given to the ends as well as the means of your strategy.
2.	Planning Without Taking Action
	Endless preparation is worse than action without planning. Accept that things will never be perfect. Questions will forever exist. Plan well and launch!
3.	Unrealistic Timeframes and Expectations
	Life is a process not an event. Nothing great was ever built easily. Exercise wisdom and learn to be patient. Unfortunately most things in life take longer and cost more than the best-laid plans anticipate.
4.	Reasons "Why" Are Unclear
	Why you want to achieve a goal is more important than the goal itself. Before taking action on anything it is imperative that you ask yourself this key question: "Why do I want to achieve this goal?"
5.	Denial of Reality
	It's far easier to deny reality than it is to accept it. And far too many people take what seems like the easy way out. Success is information dependent, when we deny reality for whatever reason, we devalue the integrity of our information, thus ensuring failure.
6.	Conflicting Values
	When we have not clarified our reasons why or defined what success means to us personally, we operate on someone else's definition. When that occurs values are sure to be in conflict and progress is short- circuited.
7.	Diffusion of Energy
	Attempting to do too much is a recipe for mediocrity. Rather than doing an excellent job at a few chosen goals we spread our energies over a vast terrain and diffuse what matters most; time and energy.
8.	Lack of Focus
	Success demands focus. It is the hallmark of all truly great people. Your ability to get and remain focused or lack there of is perhaps the key determinant of your success.
9.	Trying To Do It All Alone
	Nobody goes through life alone, we all need the cooperation and assistance of others. Put your pride aside and learn to ask for help when you need it. Learn to leverage and share knowledge for your own well being as well as for others who are dependent upon your cooperation.
10.	Fear Of Failure
	Fear of failure is The "Grand Daddy" of them all. Far too many dreams have suffocated and died because of it. Fear resides where knowledge does not exist; the more you know about anything the less intimidated that you feel. Replace your fears with knowledge and watch your performance leap.

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Most people feel bad about themselves from time to time. Feelings of low self-esteem may be triggered by being treated poorly by someone else recently or in the past, or by a person’s own judgments of him or herself. This is normal. However, low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people, especially those who experience depression, anxiety, phobias, psychosis, delusional thinking, or who have an illness or a disability. If you are one of these people, you may go through life feeling bad about yourself needlessly. Low self-esteem keeps you from enjoying life, doing the things you want to do, and working toward personal goals.

You have a right to feel good about yourself. However, it can be very difficult to feel good about yourself when you are under the stress of having symptoms that are hard to manage, when you are dealing with a disability, when you are having a difficult time, or when others are treating you badly. At these times, it is easy to be drawn into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem. For instance, you may begin feeling bad about yourself when someone insults you, you are under a lot of pressure at work, or you are having a difficult time getting along with someone in your family. Then you begin to give yourself negative self-talk, like "I'm no good." That may make you feel so bad about yourself that you do something to hurt yourself or someone else, such as getting drunk or yelling at your children. You can avoid doing things that make you feel even worse and do those things that will make you feel better about yourself.

This booklet will give you ideas on things you can do to feel better about yourself–to raise your self-esteem. The ideas have come from people like yourself, people who realize they have low self-esteem and are working to improve it.

As you begin to use the methods in this booklet and other methods that you may think of to improve your self-esteem, you may notice that you have some feelings of resistance to positive feelings about yourself. This is normal. Don't let these feelings stop you from feeling good about yourself. They will diminish as you feel better and better about yourself. To help relieve these feelings, let your friends know what you are going through. Have a good cry if you can. Do things to relax, such as meditating or taking a nice warm bath.

HOW TO KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP HEALTHY AND HAPPY

Some relationships are stronger and more meaningful than others. Some couples seem to have precisely "what it takes" to keep a long-term relationship thriving when others seem to crumble and fall by the wayside. Do you know how to keep your relationship happy and healthy? Here are tips from couples intuitive coaching sessions designed to help the most important relationships in our lives on the right track for the future.

Step1

Periodically take stock of the relationship. If you are in a relationship that isn't what it used to be, ask yourself why. Did you stop taking care of this relationship or is your partner at fault? Has one of you quite naturally outgrown your commitment in this relationship or simply chosen to take a new, solitary path into the future? There are no guarantees in life, only "promise" in terms of what has yet to come. If you can hold fast to this promise--the potential for a happy, fulfilling life shared together alive--you have won half the battle already.

Step2

Make the most of what you've got. If you have a relationship that is precious to you, do everything possible to make the most of it every day. Tend it, fortify it, nurture it. Give it all the time and attention you can because, as we are growing from day to day, our relationships are either "thriving" or "dying" in the midst of our own personal growth. They don't remain the same. It's up to each of us to see that our relationships maintain strength and good emotional health as we gravitate and grow toward the future.

Step3

Think of a couple you admire and determine what it is that makes their relationship so special. Does she show her man enough faith to allow him to have friends and activities that don't include her? Does he encourage her to fulfill herself by advancing her education or pursuing a dream of another sort? Do they make their relationship a major priority in their lives, showing each other constant respect, love and support? Once you realize what it is that makes them "tick" as a couple, bring those values into your own relationship. Encourage the same qualities from your own partner. It's amazing what we can achieve for ourselves at times simply by observing and learning from others.

Step4

Consider how well the two of you communicate. Are you strong enough in your love for each other to be able to express yourselves openly? Even when you disagree or one of you has disappointed the other? Do you allow yourselves enough room to make mistakes and receive forgiveness when you need it? Ask each other what areas in terms of communication in the relationship you might improve on. When you ask, be willing to listen.
You'll be receiving vital information that, put to use, can only make the relationship happier for each of you in the long run.

Step5

Evaluate how well you understand each other's intimate/sexual needs. Intimacy is important in committed relationships. It is a chance for the two of you to express your love for each other, yes; but it's also a time for the two of you to simply "enjoy" each other--body, mind and spirit. If something is lacking in the relationship sexually, try to talk it out. Work on finding a solution together. Try a good-spirited trade-off: "If I give you such-and-such (sexually), you will give me (fill in the blank." It isn't a crime to have fun in the bedroom, with each other and your individual desires. Of course, both of you aren't going to have the same preferences sexually, but you can give to each other what the other needs or wants, simply because you love that person as much as you do.

Step6

Give your relationship a routine commitment check-up. How close and connected "are" the two of you? Are you doing all you can to ensure that you grow together and not apart? Do you make time for each other, even when life gets extremely hectic? Discuss ways that the two of you could work together to strengthen your relationship; say, reserving time after work for a cuddle with your favorite CD playing or a Saturday morning breakfast shared every week at your favorite cozy restaurant? Remember, life is going to have its ups and downs. There will be times of conflict and struggle. What you do to keep your relationship thriving will be the "glue" that holds you close through the roughest of times. The best relationships, after all, are worth working at and fighting for.

TAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP

We have all heard this advice before. No matter how wonderful togetherness feels in a relationship, it is still crucial for partners to take time for themselves. There is simply no way that a man or a woman can fulfill all of their partner’s needs; it’s just impossible to do. Too often people will give up a favorite hobby, sport or pastime in the beginning of a relationship to devote more time and energy to making the relationship work. But what happens down the road when one or both partners realize that they are terribly out of balance and not taking time for themselves? Relationship stress, miscommunication or worse: resentment and emotional pain can result.

It is healthy to have different interests. In fact, giving up our own interests and the little things we do to nurture ourselves when a relationship starts will eventually lead to resentment down the road.

It’s important for both partners to value quality relaxation time. There is absolutely no need to feel guilty about spending time alone. Independence is good for both men and women, no matter how close they may be in the relationship. Typically, when one partner actively takes some alone time, their partner is encouraged to do the same.

How our differences complement each other:

Just as men and women have different needs in a relationship, they also have different reasons for needing time to themselves. Too much togetherness usually results in partners expecting too much from each other. Women may tend to smother their mates, while men may seem cold and uncaring. It is healthy for each partner to take time out to explore his or her individual interests.

What Men Need:
Men need to periodically pull away. Remember that men are like rubber bands. It is his natural cycle to get close, pull away and get close again. It is important for men to fulfill their need for independence. Men automatically alternate between needing intimacy and autonomy. Give a man his space and he will be a better, more attentive, partner. When a man gets too close and doesn’t pull away, he often experiences increased moodiness, irritability, passivity and defensiveness.

Also, when a man is in his cave, he wants to be left alone. He is working out his problems and frustrations by either doing something alone, like reading the paper or watching TV, or doing something active with his male friends.

Most men are happy when their mates do something fun for themselves at these times. It means that she is not sitting around waiting for him to come out of the cave. He will come out ready to talk and be intimate again, and she will have curbed her frustrations by being good to herself and having some fun.

What Women Need:
It is good for a woman’s self-esteem to take care of herself. She can get wrapped up in taking care of her family and forget how much she needs to nurture herself. Particularly when a man is off in his cave, she can enjoy the time alone to go shopping, work in her garden, go to a class at the gym or simply languish in the simple pleasure of soaking in a hot bath with a glass of wine.

It is especially important for a woman to cultivate relationships with other women. Women need to talk about what’s happening in their lives. On Venus, this is an important part of relationship building. Since this is not the case on Mars, it is wonderful for a woman to get together with her girlfriends so they can talk about, and listen to, each other’s problems without judgment or offering unsolicited advice.

Couples can even plan these separate times apart. For instance, Tuesday could be his poker night with the boys, and Thursday her night for dinner and a movie with her girlfriends. Both partners will not only appreciate the time to do the things that make them feel good, but will come back feeling renewed and excited to be in such a healthy, well-balanced relationship.

THE THINGS THAT MATTERS

Conceptually, priorities are simple, even obvious. We should know what is important to us, and we should spend our time and our thoughts on the high priorities rather than the low ones.

But in reality, in the day-to-day, it is not so simple. There is often little correlation between how important things are to us and how much thought or effort we give to them. We constantly find ourselves wishing we had time for the really important things, wishing there were more hours in the day, wishing life were less complex and wishing we were better at juggling all the things we need to do. Priority balance is intended to help you stop wishing and start changing.

Simplification and Perspective
Why do we let ourselves want so much but get so busy and burdened? When will we learn that the trade of time and freedom for things, money or excess involvement is a bad deal? And when will our society outgrow the rather juvenile notion that big and complex is better than small and simple? We admire the Gandhis of the world, who get rid of everything but their eyeglasses, scripture and loincloth so that they can focus on what is important. We admire them, but we
don’t emulate them.

To know whether something is worth doing well, ask the three questions, “Will it matter in five years? Do I need it? Can I simplify it?” With the habit of these questions will come some new skills—the skill of discretionary neglect, the skill of selective prioritization, the skill of deciding what not to do, the skill of discerning which things are worth doing well, which things are just barely worth doing, and which things are not worth doing at all. “Adding on,” too often complicates our lives and contributes to the loss of self. “Casting off” simplifies our lives and helps us find ourselves.

Concentrate on What’s Important
We took all of our children to Mexico one summer and spent six weeks in Ajijic, a little mountaintop fishing village high above Guadalajara. I (Linda) was in the midst of writing a book and needed background material and solitude, but the primary reason for our trip was to give the children perspective on the privileged lives they lead.

Because we had no car while we were there, we arranged for horseback transportation. A Mexican man would arrive every third day with eight horses (the smallest two children rode double) and peso signs gleaming in his eyes at such a large account. (It costs approximately $12 to rent eight horses for two hours).

Each time we rode along the beach, we saw the village women pounding their washing on the rocks, and when we clip-clopped through the village streets, we saw
families with ten children in one room. With eyes wide, our children gazed into the eyes of the native children, whose eyes showed reciprocal amazement.

One little 9-year-old Mexican girl visited our condo every day. Too shy to venture in at first, she became braver each day as she watched the children play in the small front yard swimming pool. Neatly dressed in the same blue dress and no shoes, she was always smiling and happy and came day after day to interact with our children (who were not the least bit inhibited by the language barrier). But she turned down all our invitations to go swimming with us. On the last Wednesday
before we left, she finally consented to swim. We were all amazed when she jumped into the pool in her blue dress. At that moment we realized that she had no swimming suit or shoes—nothing besides the clothes she wore.

Our leftover food went to her family on the day we left. When we delivered it, we found a happy family in a home with only three walls, and a muddy front yard, occupied by a cow, a pig, and two chickens. When we asked our own 9-year-old what she had learned from our time in Mexico, she said, “That you don’t need shoes to be happy.”

Unlike the problems of the people in Ajijic, Mexico, the problems of “fast track” Americans do not stem from scarcity or lack of options or challenges. Instead our challenge is whether we can sort out and balance the most important and meaningful things from among all the needs and demands that surround us.

We asked a seminar audience what needs or aspects of their lives they were trying to get in balance. It was like opening a dam. We were trying to make a list on the blackboard, but it was hard to write fast enough.

If we can reduce the things we are trying to balance to a small number, we can categorize the important things into a few key areas, and we can increase our chances of achieving balance.

Three Areas of Priority
The easiest number of areas to balance is three. It’s relatively easy to juggle three balls, whereas four are many times more difficult. The mind can stay consistently conscious of three areas. With four or more, some are always overlooked or forgotten. A triangle has no opposite corners or side, each is connected to all. A three-legged stool is stable on any rough terrain.

Life balance is best pursued when we create three areas of priority. They are family, work and self. The deepest and truest priorities of life all fit somewhere
within these three categories.

Most people quickly accept family as one of the top three priorities. And work is such a necessity for most of us that it is no argument. Women who choose to
stay home with small children have the challenging and important career of domestic management as the second of their three “balancing points.”

But many people question the third area. Should self be one of the three points on which we balance our day? Doesn’t that imply a certain selfishness or
self-centeredness? What about service to others? What about prayer or religious commitments? What about civic or community involvements
or responsibilities? If viewed correctly, the prioritizing of self does not eliminate these things; it includes them.

Often the best way to serve others is by taking care of ourselves and by changing ourselves for the better. (Ultimately this is the only way, because water cannot be drawn from a dry well.) We don’t get to be better parents by changing our kids, or better friends by changing those around us. We become better parents and better friends to better serve others as we grow and develop within ourselves.

And just as we increase our ability to serve others by improving ourselves, so also we enhance ourselves by involving ourselves in service.

A Necessity for Balance
When we ask ourselves, “What do I need today?” The answer, at least part of the time, should have to do with service—“I need to fulfill my civic or religious
assignment.” “I need to help someone in need.” “I need to be needed.”

There is a necessity for balance within the third balance point of self. Some days we need something just for our outer or inner selves—such as a nap, some exercise, a little time to read, prayer or meditation. Remember that even very self-serving things can be done with others in mind—doing them will make you a better parent to your children and a better friend to your friends, a better member of the community. Other days our self-priority should be some kind
of service, such as making a call to cheer someone up, doing a church assignment or working as a volunteer. Remember that this kind of thing, while aimed at others, is still an important factor.

With this clarification, most people are able to agree that the three priorities of life that require daily thought are “family,” “work” and “self.” The first step in obtaining life balance is to spend five minutes each day, before you write down any other plans or think about your schedule, deciding on the single most important thing you can do that day for your family, for your work and for yourself. List these three choose-to-dos before listing any have-to-dos.

Even if you do nothing each day except the three key priority items, in a year you will have accomplished more than 300 specific, clearly thought out things for your family, for self, and for work.

Remember that the key lies not in balancing our time equally between the three balance points (although each balance point does need some time each day) but in balancing our mental effort. And thinking hard enough to establish one single priority for each day will cause your mind to stay aware of all three areas all
day long. By narrowing down and naming the three balance points, we begin to gain control.

THE POWER OF PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

When I say Think and Grow Rich, what comes to your mind?

Almost everyone in sales and those interested in personal development have read this classic by Napoleon Hill at least once. And almost everyone who's read it has a positive comment. Many (like me) will say, "Turning point in my life."

Everyone has a turning point in their quest for lifelong learning. Everyone has their Aha! In your personal development, it's what you choose to listen to, watch or read that enhances your understanding of your life and teaches you what you need to do to succeed.

Napoleon Hill's 1937 quote sets the standard. "Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve."

And once you have the information, it's all about what you are willing to do to take advantage of it.

Most people know Napoleon Hill was the author of Think and Grow Rich. The person Hill emulated and studied was Orison Swett Marden. Not many know that.

Marden was the leading positive-attitude genius of the 20th century. Well-known before 1930-almost unknown today. He was a founding father of personal development and positive thought. Aha!

Author of more than 40 books, Marden also was the founder of SUCCESS magazine. Here are a few of his words of wisdom from the book he wrote in 1908, He Who Thinks He Can.

• "Every child should be taught to expect success."
• "The man who has learned the art of seeing things looks with his brain."
• "The best educated people are those who are always learning, always absorbing knowledge from every possible source and at every opportunity."
• "People do not realize the immense value of utilizing spare minutes."
• "No substitute has ever yet been discovered for honesty."
• "Poverty is of no value except as a vantage ground for a starting point."

These are quotes worth learning and passing on to others. One hundred years old!

"Learn More about Orison Swett Marden."

Based on my personal experience and personal Ahas!, I'd like to challenge you with the rules of personal development and give you some examples of what I have learned so you might make your own plan to succeed or enhance the one you have.

1.Expose yourself to knowledge.
At the end of a seminar I gave on positive attitude, I received an evaluation from a woman named Mary with a comment that read, "I wish I would have heard this 30 years ago." I got goose bumps of sadness and thought of a Jim Rohn quote: "All the information you need to succeed already exists; the only problem is you're not exposing yourself to it." This information existed 30 years ago. Mary just hadn't exposed herself to it.

Jim Rohn is known as America's leading business philosopher. His CD, The Art of Exceptional Living, is among the modern classics of personal development. Jim Rohn is the current master of inspiration and Aha! He imparts wisdom in every sentence.

Between Marden and Rohn, there is a long list of valuable books. I owe my career success to these books and to personal development information to which I have exposed myself.

Most of the books are more than 50 years old. Many with religious connotations-but still preaching the right words and thoughts. One of the most notable is The Power of Positive Thinking by NormanVincent Peale. Biblical and brilliant.

2. Simple is powerful.
If you read it and it seems too easy or too hokey, reread it. It's probably part of your personal development foundation.

One of my early Aha! moments of personal development was the simplicity of the message. Sometimes it's so simple, you go right past it without understanding the impact it can make.

A classic example is the eternal How to Win Friends and InfluencePeople by Dale Carnegie. In 1936 he wrote, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." How many salespeople could benefi t from that single Aha!? I think all of them.

Interesting to note that Dale Carnegie's lessons still are being taught in the classroom 70 years later!

3. Think and apply to improve.
In As a Man Thinketh, published in 1902, James Allen says, "A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts." Thinking what can be done is at the core of your personal development. About 54 years later, in the million-seller, The Strangest Secret, Earl Nightingale writes, "We become what we think about all day long." Get it?

In 1969, I listened to Glenn W. Turner on a cassette tape: "Act as though you have already begun to achieve. Not fake it-live it."

4. Take a daily dose.
Think about the time-worn expression, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." Apply that to personal development, and it means learn and apply one new thing every day. At the end of a year you will have 365 new pieces of information.

5. The older the better.
If you want a new idea, read a book that's 100 years old. "The best educated people are those who are always learning, always absorbing knowledge from every possible source and at every opportunity." -Marden, 1908. Or, "History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats." -B.C. Forbes, 1919.

6. Personal development and positive attitude are joined at the hip-and at the brain. And there is another component-being of service.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." -Clement Stone, 1946. Add that to the 5000-year-old Chinese proverb, "To Serve is to Rule."

7. Do it even as your butt falls off.
In 1898, Elbert Hubbard wrote an essay titled, Message to Garcia. Deliver the message, get the job done, complete the task-no matter what. Many have read that essay. Few have emulated it.

Personal development challenges you to think forward. "Greater than the tread of mighty armies is an idea whose time has come." -Victor Hugo, 1874.

Personal development challenges you to be your best. "You cannot mandate productivity; you must provide the tools to let people become their best." -Steve Jobs, 1988.

"I am the greatest of all time." -Muhammad Ali, 1963.

Personal development challenges you to make decisions based on the person you seek to become. "The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it." -John Ruskin, 1869.

Wondering where you can "find more time" to devote to your own success? "It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste." -Henry Ford, 1901. Just a thought.

The key word is not development; the key word is personal. Do it for yourself, in your own way, and make your own time for it-or not.

The biggest Aha! of personal development is from Russell Conwell's Acres of Diamonds. Considered to be one of the finest speeches ever written, Acres of Diamonds offers a multitude of lessons about the rewards of work, education and finding the riches of life in your own back yard-or your own library. Aha!

DISCIPLINE AND LOYALTY ARE TREMENDOUS

We live in a world where these two great words—discipline and loyalty—are becoming meaningless. Does this mean that they are worthless? On the contrary, they are becoming priceless qualities because they are so hard to develop in the first place. And should you be one of the fortunate few who, by God's grace, has caught the vision, your battle has just begun, because the greatest battle is to keep what you've learned through these two priceless qualities.

Discipline is that great quality few people use that enables them to be constructively busy all the time. Even in discouragement and defeat, discipline will rescue you and usher you to a new place to keep constructively busy while you forget about doubt, worry and self-pity. Oh, that more in this day would realize the absolute necessity of discipline and the degree of growth and happiness to be attained from it.

Most people think that loyalty is to a thing or to a person when actually it is really to one's own self. Some think that it is to a goal or an objective, but again it is to one's own convictions. If loyalty has to be earned, then it is deserved and is hardy, more than devoted emotion based on a temporary feeling. No, loyalty is the character of a person who has given himself the task before him and he will always realize that out of a loyal heart will spring all the other virtues that make life one of depth and growth.

SUCCESS AND FAILURE

I see success and failure as two sides of the same coin. Although some people may look at my life and think of it as one unbroken string of success, I know better. I’ve had my share of disappointment and failure. You have to learn how to deal and live with both dismal failure and spectacular success—and not be paralyzed by either. Along the way I’ve learned a few lessons.

1. Work hard.
The most important key to success, to me, is hard work. I have a very strong work ethic. I enjoy working. My work is intellectually stimulating. I’ve never had a chance in my career to sit back and enjoy my success. Maybe someday. But it’s not my style to sit around and think about the success of The Lion King, for example. I’m always engaged in the current project and looking ahead to the next challenge.

2. Learn from your failures.
Success is not an experience that does you much good. Failing is much more sobering and enlightening. But, when you fail, you must see failure as a step toward success—and then go back to work and try again. I’ve had some setbacks. You can’t succeed big unless you’ve experienced failure, especially creative failure, and learn from it—not make the same mistake twice. There’s nothing worse than middle ground. Mediocrity is the bane of existence. I’d rather have the most celebrated failures, along with the most celebrated successes, than a life of mediocrity.

3. Gain emotional intelligence.
I believe in the emotional and the psychological side of life. Most people who talk about achievement talk about the external drives. You don’t hear much about people suppressing their dark side and letting their light side come out. But, I manage a creative company. I understand creative people. Daily, I have to deal with people who have many distractions in their lives.

The ingredients that make for achievement are not necessarily gaining a Harvard education or winning an award. The high achiever may not be the studious sibling who gets all A’s in school, but the one who is watching, learning, and understanding of the drives and motives of people.

Personally, I think the best foundation for business is reading Shakespeare, rather than doing some MBA program. I’d rather have an English major than an economics major working for me, because this work requires people who have common sense. What brings people down, I find, are the human things—the lack of common sense, not the lack of knowing what exactly is the information highway, but the lack of understanding why somebody is unhappy.

Nobody is what they appear to be. People are very complex. Most of the things that people are, they don’t express. Through the dramatic process—theater, movies, television, books, poems, essays—we express our own understandings of people. And in doing that, we see that people are complex. They’re complex when they achieve, and when they fail.

4. Marriage and family.
My family—parents, spouse, and children—gives me an enclave in which I can succeed.

• Parents who deeply care about you and support you. Your parents don’t have to be rich. The genetic accident that you want is to be born of parents who care about you and support you, who are there for you, and give you the confidence and freedom to fail. I have met many people who come from inner city America or from foreign countries where they struggle beyond anything you can imagine and yet still manage to achieve, because they have at least one parent who stands behind them. As I listen to achievers talk about their lives, this seems to be a consistent theme—they receive support from one or both parents—not just a friend of the family, not the church, not the government, but a parent. More often than not it’s a father, which is interesting to me, but also a mother.
• A marriage partner who keeps you honest. I was extremely lucky in love because I met somebody right after I got out of college whom I married—somebody who was interested in what I was doing, but didn’t believe any of my baloney. In fact, she constantly said to me, “Don’t believe what people write about you.” She kept me level-headed, and she delivered for me three sons who became the center of my life. My wife and I are primarily interested in family. The one place I always felt that I could trust—maybe like E.T.—was my home. They are my toughest critics, and biggest supporters.
• A family that cares little about your professional success. Whenever the heady experience of achievement and reward is presented to me, I have three children who say, “Dad, can we go to the movies?” or “Dad, we’re going to do this.” They could care less about my job. My children don’t know about my success. They don’t care about it. One reason I enjoy working for company that’s a big advocate of the family (Disney) is because with family, you’re more likely to exhibit healthy social behavior. Unfortunately, many people have a dysfunctional family, and that’s why we work so hard to try to reduce that disadvantage. You have a better shot of achieving success when you have the strength of family behind you.

5. Make good use of your freedom.
I’m passionate about creating American intellectual products because the most successful export from the United States is the so-called American dream, as depicted in our literature, fine arts, architecture, movies, and television. And in the creative process, we don’t think about what the government thinks. Our system of government not only precludes tyranny, but also protects creativity; so, for me, the American experience gives me the right to express myself and the right to succeed. Of course, those rights must be protected. I know many people who have escaped oppression. Many of them are in the entertainment business, in Hollywood or New York. And, of course, they are more patriotic than anybody who was ever born here in North America, because they so highly value their freedom of expression.

6. Allow other people to fail.
I’m an advocate of not only allowing myself to fail, but allowing the people who work for me to fail, without fear that they will be fired because of failure. If they don’t fail, they will never succeed big. Sadly, American business promotes decisions made by temporary managers, who fail and then get fired, and then the next guy comes in and makes the same mistake. At Disney, we know that some projects will bomb—but we also know that out of that “failure” we will have the big success. So, I have a policy that I never fire anybody, until they succeed. If a person is simply incompetent, I may make an exception. But I don’t want anybody in my company to think that they are in jeopardy of losing a job because of failure. I try to work with that person until they succeed, and then make a change.

7. Be willing to take risks.
Research may tell me that people want more of what they saw yesterday, but I don’t believe it. Most people don’t know what they want. They want something new, and different, and unusual. So, risk-taking is a very important quality. When you’re trying to create new things, you have to be on the edge of risk—so often that makes all the difference between success and failure.

8. Learn to work well in teams.
I’ve always believed in teams; I love teams. I hated singles at tennis; I love doubles. I love team sports. I love being a cheerleader. I love surrounding myself with people who are better than I am. That’s the key. It makes you look good, not weak, to have strong people around you.

Excellence in Action: Learn how to deal and live with both dismal failure and spectacular success—and not be paralyzed by either.