THE THINGS THAT MATTERS

Conceptually, priorities are simple, even obvious. We should know what is important to us, and we should spend our time and our thoughts on the high priorities rather than the low ones.

But in reality, in the day-to-day, it is not so simple. There is often little correlation between how important things are to us and how much thought or effort we give to them. We constantly find ourselves wishing we had time for the really important things, wishing there were more hours in the day, wishing life were less complex and wishing we were better at juggling all the things we need to do. Priority balance is intended to help you stop wishing and start changing.

Simplification and Perspective
Why do we let ourselves want so much but get so busy and burdened? When will we learn that the trade of time and freedom for things, money or excess involvement is a bad deal? And when will our society outgrow the rather juvenile notion that big and complex is better than small and simple? We admire the Gandhis of the world, who get rid of everything but their eyeglasses, scripture and loincloth so that they can focus on what is important. We admire them, but we
don’t emulate them.

To know whether something is worth doing well, ask the three questions, “Will it matter in five years? Do I need it? Can I simplify it?” With the habit of these questions will come some new skills—the skill of discretionary neglect, the skill of selective prioritization, the skill of deciding what not to do, the skill of discerning which things are worth doing well, which things are just barely worth doing, and which things are not worth doing at all. “Adding on,” too often complicates our lives and contributes to the loss of self. “Casting off” simplifies our lives and helps us find ourselves.

Concentrate on What’s Important
We took all of our children to Mexico one summer and spent six weeks in Ajijic, a little mountaintop fishing village high above Guadalajara. I (Linda) was in the midst of writing a book and needed background material and solitude, but the primary reason for our trip was to give the children perspective on the privileged lives they lead.

Because we had no car while we were there, we arranged for horseback transportation. A Mexican man would arrive every third day with eight horses (the smallest two children rode double) and peso signs gleaming in his eyes at such a large account. (It costs approximately $12 to rent eight horses for two hours).

Each time we rode along the beach, we saw the village women pounding their washing on the rocks, and when we clip-clopped through the village streets, we saw
families with ten children in one room. With eyes wide, our children gazed into the eyes of the native children, whose eyes showed reciprocal amazement.

One little 9-year-old Mexican girl visited our condo every day. Too shy to venture in at first, she became braver each day as she watched the children play in the small front yard swimming pool. Neatly dressed in the same blue dress and no shoes, she was always smiling and happy and came day after day to interact with our children (who were not the least bit inhibited by the language barrier). But she turned down all our invitations to go swimming with us. On the last Wednesday
before we left, she finally consented to swim. We were all amazed when she jumped into the pool in her blue dress. At that moment we realized that she had no swimming suit or shoes—nothing besides the clothes she wore.

Our leftover food went to her family on the day we left. When we delivered it, we found a happy family in a home with only three walls, and a muddy front yard, occupied by a cow, a pig, and two chickens. When we asked our own 9-year-old what she had learned from our time in Mexico, she said, “That you don’t need shoes to be happy.”

Unlike the problems of the people in Ajijic, Mexico, the problems of “fast track” Americans do not stem from scarcity or lack of options or challenges. Instead our challenge is whether we can sort out and balance the most important and meaningful things from among all the needs and demands that surround us.

We asked a seminar audience what needs or aspects of their lives they were trying to get in balance. It was like opening a dam. We were trying to make a list on the blackboard, but it was hard to write fast enough.

If we can reduce the things we are trying to balance to a small number, we can categorize the important things into a few key areas, and we can increase our chances of achieving balance.

Three Areas of Priority
The easiest number of areas to balance is three. It’s relatively easy to juggle three balls, whereas four are many times more difficult. The mind can stay consistently conscious of three areas. With four or more, some are always overlooked or forgotten. A triangle has no opposite corners or side, each is connected to all. A three-legged stool is stable on any rough terrain.

Life balance is best pursued when we create three areas of priority. They are family, work and self. The deepest and truest priorities of life all fit somewhere
within these three categories.

Most people quickly accept family as one of the top three priorities. And work is such a necessity for most of us that it is no argument. Women who choose to
stay home with small children have the challenging and important career of domestic management as the second of their three “balancing points.”

But many people question the third area. Should self be one of the three points on which we balance our day? Doesn’t that imply a certain selfishness or
self-centeredness? What about service to others? What about prayer or religious commitments? What about civic or community involvements
or responsibilities? If viewed correctly, the prioritizing of self does not eliminate these things; it includes them.

Often the best way to serve others is by taking care of ourselves and by changing ourselves for the better. (Ultimately this is the only way, because water cannot be drawn from a dry well.) We don’t get to be better parents by changing our kids, or better friends by changing those around us. We become better parents and better friends to better serve others as we grow and develop within ourselves.

And just as we increase our ability to serve others by improving ourselves, so also we enhance ourselves by involving ourselves in service.

A Necessity for Balance
When we ask ourselves, “What do I need today?” The answer, at least part of the time, should have to do with service—“I need to fulfill my civic or religious
assignment.” “I need to help someone in need.” “I need to be needed.”

There is a necessity for balance within the third balance point of self. Some days we need something just for our outer or inner selves—such as a nap, some exercise, a little time to read, prayer or meditation. Remember that even very self-serving things can be done with others in mind—doing them will make you a better parent to your children and a better friend to your friends, a better member of the community. Other days our self-priority should be some kind
of service, such as making a call to cheer someone up, doing a church assignment or working as a volunteer. Remember that this kind of thing, while aimed at others, is still an important factor.

With this clarification, most people are able to agree that the three priorities of life that require daily thought are “family,” “work” and “self.” The first step in obtaining life balance is to spend five minutes each day, before you write down any other plans or think about your schedule, deciding on the single most important thing you can do that day for your family, for your work and for yourself. List these three choose-to-dos before listing any have-to-dos.

Even if you do nothing each day except the three key priority items, in a year you will have accomplished more than 300 specific, clearly thought out things for your family, for self, and for work.

Remember that the key lies not in balancing our time equally between the three balance points (although each balance point does need some time each day) but in balancing our mental effort. And thinking hard enough to establish one single priority for each day will cause your mind to stay aware of all three areas all
day long. By narrowing down and naming the three balance points, we begin to gain control.

THE POWER OF PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

When I say Think and Grow Rich, what comes to your mind?

Almost everyone in sales and those interested in personal development have read this classic by Napoleon Hill at least once. And almost everyone who's read it has a positive comment. Many (like me) will say, "Turning point in my life."

Everyone has a turning point in their quest for lifelong learning. Everyone has their Aha! In your personal development, it's what you choose to listen to, watch or read that enhances your understanding of your life and teaches you what you need to do to succeed.

Napoleon Hill's 1937 quote sets the standard. "Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve."

And once you have the information, it's all about what you are willing to do to take advantage of it.

Most people know Napoleon Hill was the author of Think and Grow Rich. The person Hill emulated and studied was Orison Swett Marden. Not many know that.

Marden was the leading positive-attitude genius of the 20th century. Well-known before 1930-almost unknown today. He was a founding father of personal development and positive thought. Aha!

Author of more than 40 books, Marden also was the founder of SUCCESS magazine. Here are a few of his words of wisdom from the book he wrote in 1908, He Who Thinks He Can.

• "Every child should be taught to expect success."
• "The man who has learned the art of seeing things looks with his brain."
• "The best educated people are those who are always learning, always absorbing knowledge from every possible source and at every opportunity."
• "People do not realize the immense value of utilizing spare minutes."
• "No substitute has ever yet been discovered for honesty."
• "Poverty is of no value except as a vantage ground for a starting point."

These are quotes worth learning and passing on to others. One hundred years old!

"Learn More about Orison Swett Marden."

Based on my personal experience and personal Ahas!, I'd like to challenge you with the rules of personal development and give you some examples of what I have learned so you might make your own plan to succeed or enhance the one you have.

1.Expose yourself to knowledge.
At the end of a seminar I gave on positive attitude, I received an evaluation from a woman named Mary with a comment that read, "I wish I would have heard this 30 years ago." I got goose bumps of sadness and thought of a Jim Rohn quote: "All the information you need to succeed already exists; the only problem is you're not exposing yourself to it." This information existed 30 years ago. Mary just hadn't exposed herself to it.

Jim Rohn is known as America's leading business philosopher. His CD, The Art of Exceptional Living, is among the modern classics of personal development. Jim Rohn is the current master of inspiration and Aha! He imparts wisdom in every sentence.

Between Marden and Rohn, there is a long list of valuable books. I owe my career success to these books and to personal development information to which I have exposed myself.

Most of the books are more than 50 years old. Many with religious connotations-but still preaching the right words and thoughts. One of the most notable is The Power of Positive Thinking by NormanVincent Peale. Biblical and brilliant.

2. Simple is powerful.
If you read it and it seems too easy or too hokey, reread it. It's probably part of your personal development foundation.

One of my early Aha! moments of personal development was the simplicity of the message. Sometimes it's so simple, you go right past it without understanding the impact it can make.

A classic example is the eternal How to Win Friends and InfluencePeople by Dale Carnegie. In 1936 he wrote, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." How many salespeople could benefi t from that single Aha!? I think all of them.

Interesting to note that Dale Carnegie's lessons still are being taught in the classroom 70 years later!

3. Think and apply to improve.
In As a Man Thinketh, published in 1902, James Allen says, "A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts." Thinking what can be done is at the core of your personal development. About 54 years later, in the million-seller, The Strangest Secret, Earl Nightingale writes, "We become what we think about all day long." Get it?

In 1969, I listened to Glenn W. Turner on a cassette tape: "Act as though you have already begun to achieve. Not fake it-live it."

4. Take a daily dose.
Think about the time-worn expression, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." Apply that to personal development, and it means learn and apply one new thing every day. At the end of a year you will have 365 new pieces of information.

5. The older the better.
If you want a new idea, read a book that's 100 years old. "The best educated people are those who are always learning, always absorbing knowledge from every possible source and at every opportunity." -Marden, 1908. Or, "History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats." -B.C. Forbes, 1919.

6. Personal development and positive attitude are joined at the hip-and at the brain. And there is another component-being of service.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." -Clement Stone, 1946. Add that to the 5000-year-old Chinese proverb, "To Serve is to Rule."

7. Do it even as your butt falls off.
In 1898, Elbert Hubbard wrote an essay titled, Message to Garcia. Deliver the message, get the job done, complete the task-no matter what. Many have read that essay. Few have emulated it.

Personal development challenges you to think forward. "Greater than the tread of mighty armies is an idea whose time has come." -Victor Hugo, 1874.

Personal development challenges you to be your best. "You cannot mandate productivity; you must provide the tools to let people become their best." -Steve Jobs, 1988.

"I am the greatest of all time." -Muhammad Ali, 1963.

Personal development challenges you to make decisions based on the person you seek to become. "The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it." -John Ruskin, 1869.

Wondering where you can "find more time" to devote to your own success? "It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste." -Henry Ford, 1901. Just a thought.

The key word is not development; the key word is personal. Do it for yourself, in your own way, and make your own time for it-or not.

The biggest Aha! of personal development is from Russell Conwell's Acres of Diamonds. Considered to be one of the finest speeches ever written, Acres of Diamonds offers a multitude of lessons about the rewards of work, education and finding the riches of life in your own back yard-or your own library. Aha!

DISCIPLINE AND LOYALTY ARE TREMENDOUS

We live in a world where these two great words—discipline and loyalty—are becoming meaningless. Does this mean that they are worthless? On the contrary, they are becoming priceless qualities because they are so hard to develop in the first place. And should you be one of the fortunate few who, by God's grace, has caught the vision, your battle has just begun, because the greatest battle is to keep what you've learned through these two priceless qualities.

Discipline is that great quality few people use that enables them to be constructively busy all the time. Even in discouragement and defeat, discipline will rescue you and usher you to a new place to keep constructively busy while you forget about doubt, worry and self-pity. Oh, that more in this day would realize the absolute necessity of discipline and the degree of growth and happiness to be attained from it.

Most people think that loyalty is to a thing or to a person when actually it is really to one's own self. Some think that it is to a goal or an objective, but again it is to one's own convictions. If loyalty has to be earned, then it is deserved and is hardy, more than devoted emotion based on a temporary feeling. No, loyalty is the character of a person who has given himself the task before him and he will always realize that out of a loyal heart will spring all the other virtues that make life one of depth and growth.

SUCCESS AND FAILURE

I see success and failure as two sides of the same coin. Although some people may look at my life and think of it as one unbroken string of success, I know better. I’ve had my share of disappointment and failure. You have to learn how to deal and live with both dismal failure and spectacular success—and not be paralyzed by either. Along the way I’ve learned a few lessons.

1. Work hard.
The most important key to success, to me, is hard work. I have a very strong work ethic. I enjoy working. My work is intellectually stimulating. I’ve never had a chance in my career to sit back and enjoy my success. Maybe someday. But it’s not my style to sit around and think about the success of The Lion King, for example. I’m always engaged in the current project and looking ahead to the next challenge.

2. Learn from your failures.
Success is not an experience that does you much good. Failing is much more sobering and enlightening. But, when you fail, you must see failure as a step toward success—and then go back to work and try again. I’ve had some setbacks. You can’t succeed big unless you’ve experienced failure, especially creative failure, and learn from it—not make the same mistake twice. There’s nothing worse than middle ground. Mediocrity is the bane of existence. I’d rather have the most celebrated failures, along with the most celebrated successes, than a life of mediocrity.

3. Gain emotional intelligence.
I believe in the emotional and the psychological side of life. Most people who talk about achievement talk about the external drives. You don’t hear much about people suppressing their dark side and letting their light side come out. But, I manage a creative company. I understand creative people. Daily, I have to deal with people who have many distractions in their lives.

The ingredients that make for achievement are not necessarily gaining a Harvard education or winning an award. The high achiever may not be the studious sibling who gets all A’s in school, but the one who is watching, learning, and understanding of the drives and motives of people.

Personally, I think the best foundation for business is reading Shakespeare, rather than doing some MBA program. I’d rather have an English major than an economics major working for me, because this work requires people who have common sense. What brings people down, I find, are the human things—the lack of common sense, not the lack of knowing what exactly is the information highway, but the lack of understanding why somebody is unhappy.

Nobody is what they appear to be. People are very complex. Most of the things that people are, they don’t express. Through the dramatic process—theater, movies, television, books, poems, essays—we express our own understandings of people. And in doing that, we see that people are complex. They’re complex when they achieve, and when they fail.

4. Marriage and family.
My family—parents, spouse, and children—gives me an enclave in which I can succeed.

• Parents who deeply care about you and support you. Your parents don’t have to be rich. The genetic accident that you want is to be born of parents who care about you and support you, who are there for you, and give you the confidence and freedom to fail. I have met many people who come from inner city America or from foreign countries where they struggle beyond anything you can imagine and yet still manage to achieve, because they have at least one parent who stands behind them. As I listen to achievers talk about their lives, this seems to be a consistent theme—they receive support from one or both parents—not just a friend of the family, not the church, not the government, but a parent. More often than not it’s a father, which is interesting to me, but also a mother.
• A marriage partner who keeps you honest. I was extremely lucky in love because I met somebody right after I got out of college whom I married—somebody who was interested in what I was doing, but didn’t believe any of my baloney. In fact, she constantly said to me, “Don’t believe what people write about you.” She kept me level-headed, and she delivered for me three sons who became the center of my life. My wife and I are primarily interested in family. The one place I always felt that I could trust—maybe like E.T.—was my home. They are my toughest critics, and biggest supporters.
• A family that cares little about your professional success. Whenever the heady experience of achievement and reward is presented to me, I have three children who say, “Dad, can we go to the movies?” or “Dad, we’re going to do this.” They could care less about my job. My children don’t know about my success. They don’t care about it. One reason I enjoy working for company that’s a big advocate of the family (Disney) is because with family, you’re more likely to exhibit healthy social behavior. Unfortunately, many people have a dysfunctional family, and that’s why we work so hard to try to reduce that disadvantage. You have a better shot of achieving success when you have the strength of family behind you.

5. Make good use of your freedom.
I’m passionate about creating American intellectual products because the most successful export from the United States is the so-called American dream, as depicted in our literature, fine arts, architecture, movies, and television. And in the creative process, we don’t think about what the government thinks. Our system of government not only precludes tyranny, but also protects creativity; so, for me, the American experience gives me the right to express myself and the right to succeed. Of course, those rights must be protected. I know many people who have escaped oppression. Many of them are in the entertainment business, in Hollywood or New York. And, of course, they are more patriotic than anybody who was ever born here in North America, because they so highly value their freedom of expression.

6. Allow other people to fail.
I’m an advocate of not only allowing myself to fail, but allowing the people who work for me to fail, without fear that they will be fired because of failure. If they don’t fail, they will never succeed big. Sadly, American business promotes decisions made by temporary managers, who fail and then get fired, and then the next guy comes in and makes the same mistake. At Disney, we know that some projects will bomb—but we also know that out of that “failure” we will have the big success. So, I have a policy that I never fire anybody, until they succeed. If a person is simply incompetent, I may make an exception. But I don’t want anybody in my company to think that they are in jeopardy of losing a job because of failure. I try to work with that person until they succeed, and then make a change.

7. Be willing to take risks.
Research may tell me that people want more of what they saw yesterday, but I don’t believe it. Most people don’t know what they want. They want something new, and different, and unusual. So, risk-taking is a very important quality. When you’re trying to create new things, you have to be on the edge of risk—so often that makes all the difference between success and failure.

8. Learn to work well in teams.
I’ve always believed in teams; I love teams. I hated singles at tennis; I love doubles. I love team sports. I love being a cheerleader. I love surrounding myself with people who are better than I am. That’s the key. It makes you look good, not weak, to have strong people around you.

Excellence in Action: Learn how to deal and live with both dismal failure and spectacular success—and not be paralyzed by either.

HOW DO I BALANCE THE DISSERTATION AND LIFE?

Finding the right balance between your dissertation and the rest of your life is something that you must determine for yourself. Some people may prefer to do nothing else, to put their lives on hold, and to get the dissertation done as quickly as possible. Others with families and careers may prefer to slow down the dissertation process and maintain much more balance in their lives.

Should I put the dissertation first?

If you are of the "just get it done" mindset, it is important to remember the advice I received from a friend:

"If you want to race the car fast, you need to put it in the shop now and then."

Because the dissertation is such a longterm endeavor, it is important to realize that you are likely to "hit the wall" at some time during this process. So it is considered prudent to have other relationships and activities to sustain you over the long haul.

The Law of Diminishing Returns

For those of you who want a dissertation and a life too, it is important to realize that the longer you take, the greater the likelihood of not completing your dissertation. Often life events do interfere. And for most people, at a certain point, a dissertation becomes very long and exhausting, and you may eventually run out of the resources you need to complete your dissertation.

Whatever path you choose, it is important that you determine and periodically review your priorities and your commitments to areas of your life besides your dissertation. Inevitably, however, in the final push to complete your dissertation, you will have to put the dissertation first and neglect some of those other areas of your life. You should realize that if you have nurtured them sufficiently, they will still be there to sustain you through the final days. Then you can breathe and catch up on your life!

WHAT IS YOUR PRIORITY?

Unfortunately, many of us fail to succeed because they have their priorities out of whack. But if you can get your priorities straight, everything else will fall into place.

Here's your starting point. How many times have you heard a other say, "My priorities are God, family, church, work, etc."? I hear it all the time. It sounds spiritual. But the reality of that statement is that God is just one of many priorities. In other words, God is just one of many gods.If God makes one thing clear in Scripture, it's that He is God alone and expects us to make Him the priority of our lives.So instead of making a list of priorities -- with God as one in a list -- here's how your list of priorities should look: God.

That's right! That's all there is to it. God is your sole priority.Of course, we have a lot of other things we must attend to in life. These include family, church, work, etc. So how do these fit into this new priority? If God is your only priority, should you avoid all the other things? Of course not!The secret is that you now work on these areas of your life as a priority given by God. It is, in fact, His priority, not yours. You are responsible to do certain things for your family -- not as your priority, but God's. You work not because it's your priority, but God's. And the same applies to church and every other area of life. Anything that is God's priority is now your responsibility.How does this bring success? First of all, it helps you keep the right priority in all things.

If you have a list of priorities, it's oftentimes difficult to determine which one is most important. But if God is your sole priority, then everything always comes back to Him. It starts and ends with Him.Second, when you go to make up your list of priorities for the day or the week, you can now ask, "What are God's priorities for me today (or this week)?" Suddenly, a lot of the not-so-important things you want to do will drop off the list. And you're able to focus on your most important responsibilities.For instance, God's priority for Sunday is that you worship with other believers. So instead of working or sleeping in on Sunday morning, your responsibility is to attend worship. On Monday, however, attending worship is not God's priority. Work is His priority.

And, finally, the greatest way this contributes to your success is this: You can have full confidence that God's purposes will succeed (Prov. 19:21). And His priorities are geared to make sure that happens. When you walk in God's priorities, you know they will ultimately succeed.

GETTING PAST A JOB-LOSS

In these times of economic difficulties, losing a job can be very devastating. With it come uncertainties, worries and hurt ego. You get drown with such negative thoughts that you cannot seem to think clearly. As a result, you tend to pressure yourself and hastily look for any job. Or perhaps, you sulk in one place and pity yourself for suddenly being a part of ‘social outcast.' Or, it could be that you use your remaining energy to ‘sour-graping' or bashing of your former employer to salvage your wounded sense of worth. Those acts of desperation, self-denial and insecurities are just but counterproductive.

Anyone of us is a potential victim of layoff. Even the smartest professional could go through the same dilemma. More often than not, it comes in the most unexpected time of our career. When you think that everything seems to be going on the right track—you're doing a great job, you're getting good salary, etc – the company you're working with announced a massive layoff due to bad business situation. Alas, you're included in the list. And the pain can last for days, for months, or for years. It all depends on how you would accept and handle the situation.

First thing you have to do is to accept the fact that you lost your job. Face the situation and don't douse your self with panic and fears. It could be that you are just a victim of restructuring or closure which is way beyond your control. You have to compose yourself and look at the situation on a broader perspective. Yes, it is not easy to get yourself into a career transition especially if it comes in unwanted situation at unexpected time of your career. But the fact that you have to deal with it should give you enough strength to accept the situation and move on.

Discuss your fate with your family members and to those who will be directly affected of your job-loss. This should be the next important order in your list of action items. While it is true that it is not easy to bring up this type of subject, talking to them openly about the incident can lessen the emotional agony you're going through. Although you might get varied reactions from the family members, conducting an open discussion with them can help you and your family come up with valuable ‘resolutions' to the situation. In cases of financial concern, everyone in the circle can fill the temporary ‘monetary gaps' needed for the monthly expenses.

Equally important step you have to take is to assess yourself. While it can be that you are a just a victim of a circumstance, it is also possible that you have somehow influenced the situation that led to unfavorable effect towards you. You might ask yourself “why me?” Look at possible shortcomings or mistakes that you did in the workplace that could have contributed to your fate. Reflecting on this thing can help you pick up the pieces, learn from it and improve yourself.

Once you accept and gain a better understanding of the situation, it's now time for you to move forward. The ‘layoff' tag in your career does not decrease your chances of getting a job. It is how you carry yourself and how much you want a new job.

Just remember, you only lost a job, but not the knowledge and years of work experience in your portfolio.