WHY SHOULD IN SAY NO TO ALCOHOL?????????????

Alcohol is a drug and you can become addicted to it. Alcohol changes the way your mind and your body work. Even one beer can slow your reactions and confuse your thinking. This means anything that requires concentration and coordination--like driving--is dangerous when you've had a drink.

Alcohol also changes the way you act. It can make you let go of the feelings that keep you from doing things you know are risky or dangerous. This can lead you to make bad decisions--like having unsafe sex or driving when you know you shouldn't. You might think that it won't happen to you, but everyone knows someone who has said that and then ended up hurt.

SIGNIFICANCE: IMPORTANT OF VALUES

The importance of values is frequently cited in relation to the global problematique, whether it be in debates in international assemblies, in studies criticizing "value-free" approaches to research, or in discussion of quality of life and individual fulfilment. Values are deemed especially important in questions of cultural development and are central to concern for the preservation of cultural heritage.

1. Problems and values

Problems tend to be recognized and dealt with as concrete, practical matters. They can be defined in terms which allow them to be the subject of well-managed programmes -- indeed they may be the integrative focus of those programmes, uniting together groups that would otherwise be competing. Even the term "problem" is recognizable in many languages and is an early part of any vocabulary concerned with practical matters. The term is applied to every level of obstacle or hindrance from the most personally intimate to the global level.

The case of human values contrasts sharply with that of world problems. Where it is common and meaningful to ask "do you have a problem", it is unusual and generally unacceptable to ask "do you have a value". The term is not common across languages and is not an early part of any vocabulary. It is far from being an immediate concern in any normal programme of action. And yet there is an intimate relationship between problems and values. Basically no problem is recognizable except in the light of a value. If "justice" is not a recognized "value", then "injustice" cannot be recognized as a problem.

Human values come to the fore as the driving force in many campaigns, where people's commitment is engaged through appeals to "freedom", "equality" and the like. As such they too can unite opposing groups under the same banner but with much less ability to focus on the concrete remedial action required. Much cultural endeavour is associated with articulating the interplay of values. Values are of increasing concern to the marketing of commercial products because of the way in which markets are segmented in terms of the value profiles of consumers. Values are of course an increasingly explicit question in the debate on "green" issues and options.

Problems tend to be explicit, whereas values tend to be implicit. But both are artefacts of the human mind. Despite being treated as concrete, problems as such (like values) cannot be photographed. People interpret certain (photographable) conditions as problematic. But the future will recognize other problems in photographs of conditions today which may now appear problem-free. It may be argued that awareness of a problem-value polarity is borne of exposure to certain conditions that cause some form of suffering. In different ways this suffering engenders learning through which sensitivity to a (new) value allows the suffered conditions to be constellated into a problem.

In summary, whilst problems tend to be concrete, relatively unambiguous, detailed features of normal organized activity, values are much more ambiguously defined and less easily related to specific programmatic steps. Problems provide focus through their concreteness and specificity in dealing with the present through established channels. Values provide focus through their inspirational value and their prescriptive potential in creating a more desirable future irrespective of established views.

By juxtaposing information on world problems with that on human values it becomes possible to explore more systematically the relationships between them. Understanding of any system of values leads to greater understanding of the system of problems. In fact exercises in ordering the system of values may contribute to new ways of ordering the system of problems. Relating them may clarify the nature of the societal learning process through which problem-value polarities come to be recognized. A specific challenge is to identify more clearly the values associated with particular problems and to determine whether there areunrecognized problems following from acknowledgement of certain values.

2. Human development and values

Human development can be seen as the process of giving more effective expression to human values. Many of the advocated approaches to human development are quite explicit concerning the values in terms of which they are conceived or which they are desired to enhance. The more sophisticated approaches to policy-making and management are quite deliberate in their efforts to identify the values on which any action is to be grounded.

Through some processes of human development, providing access to more subtle modes of awareness, new value insights emerge. In such cases there may be a very intimate relationship between the state of awareness and comprehension of the value. Emerging awareness of certain states may even lead to the articulation of more subtle understanding of commonly identified values. Certain modes of awareness can be understood as the embodiment of specific values or configurations of values.

Perhaps of most importance is the manner in which certain processes of human development integrate together previously disparate insights. Values can easily decay into empty, "bloodless" categories unless they are sustained by appropriate levels of awareness. Human development may thus build a subtle connecting pattern between values. Such integration provides a new foundation from which action may be undertaken in a sustainable manner.

Again it is ironic that there is less and less in modern society that people are prepared to die for, or to allow others to die for. Whole societies can now be held to ransom for a single known hostage. Millions can be spent to maintain a comatose, brain-damaged patient on life-support for decades. Euthanasia is illegal, no matter what the desire of the person concerned. Exposure to risk is progressively designed out of society, to be replaced by vicarious experiences of risk through videos or with the protection of required safety devices. The paradox is that unknown numbers are however sacrificed through carcinogenic products, abortion, structural violence, massacres, gang murders, cult rituals, "snuff" movies and associated perversions, or a failure of food and medical supplies.

The attitude to life has become as immature as that to death. Millions are spent on efforts to maintain youthfulness, whether through cosmetics, cosmetic surgery or attempts to reverse the ageing process. Every other value is sacrificed to save lives in industrialized societies, whilst allowing others to die elsewhere. Individuals in industrialized societies are prosecuted for life-endangering neglect. But these same societies fail to apply the same standards in their policies towards other societies. Reproduction is tacitly encouraged without any provision for the resulting population growth or for the effects on the environment. Society evokes problems to provide solutions for its own irresponsibility -- a control mechanism for the immature lacking the insight for a healthy relationship to cycles.

The challenge of the times would seem to involve a call for personal transformation through which social and conceptual frameworks can be viewed anew. Willingness to sacrifice inherited perspectives is an indication of the dimension of the challenge --most dramatically illustrated by willingness to risk death. However physical death is not the issue, and may easily be a simplistic, deluded impulse lending itself to manipulation. Destruction of frameworks valued by others is equally suspect. Such dramatics provide rewards within the very frameworks whose nature the individual needs to question, but by which he or she may need to choose to be constrained.

WHAT HAPPENS TO THE ALCOHOLIC FAMILY?

EFFECTS ON FAMILY

A family with an alcohol in its midst will go through several stages in dealing with the chaos and disruption caused by the alcoholic. These stages are described below in order of appearance.

1. Denial: Early in the development of alcoholism, occasional episodes of excessive drinking are explained away by both marriage partners. Drinking because of tiredness, worry, or a bad day is not unbelievable. The assumption is that the episode is isolated and is, therefore, not a problem.
2. Attempts to Eliminate the Problem:The non-alcoholic spouse realizes that the drinking is not normal and tries to pressure the alcoholic to quit, be more careful, or cut down. At the same time, the spouse tries to hide the problems from the outside and keep up a good.front. Children may start to have problems in response to the family stress.
3. Disorganization and Chaos: The family balance is beginning to break down. The spouse can no longer pretend everything is okay and spends most of the time going from crisis to crisis. Financial problems are not unusual. At this point the spouse is likely to seek outside help.
4. Reorganization in Spite of the Problem: The spouse's coping abilities have become strengthened. He or she gradually assumes a larger share of the responsibility for the family. This may mean getting a job or taking over the finances. Rather than focusing on getting the alcoholic to shape up, the spouse is now taking charge and tries to foster family life, despite the alcoholism.
5. Efforts to Escape: Separation or divorce may be attempted. If the family remains intact, the family continues living around the alcoholic.
6. Family Reorganization: In the case of separation, family reorganization occurs without the alcoholic member. If the alcoholic achieves sobriety, a reconciliation may take place. Either way, both partners must realign their roles within the family and make new adjustments.

RESPONSIBILITY...

People need to take responsibility for themselves. I find it particularly disgusting that our nation's supposedly most mature citizens are doffing the responsibility for their lives by lobbying and cheering for ludicrously expensive government entitlements, the burden of which must be borne by their children and grandchildren. You may be "the greatest generation" to some, but this selfish foolishness highlights a widespread moral and economic failure on your part. You're supposed to be wise, you're supposed to be an example to we who are following after, but instead you wield your political power not to help or guide us, but for your own comfort and enrichment. Shame on you all. Imagine how great a boon you could have been to your families and your country; instead you're becoming a resented burden.

In 1 Corinthians 12:14 Paul writes: "After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children." In some circumstances the situation will be reversed, and I realize that it's not always due to failure on the part of the parents. Nevertheless, the general principle stands. The new $400 billion health care entitlement that Congress just passed moves me to pity -- it is a stark example of how the greatest among us have fallen short of the prize they should have obtained.

Given that we are where we are, what is the proper solution? In 1 Timothy 5:4 Paul writes further: "But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God." First note that this verse is speaking specifically about women who have lost their husbands; it was expected that older men would be able to care for themselves. We are instructed to care for our family, particularly our parents and grandparents, and the primary responsibility for that care falls on the children and grandchildren.

A few verses later, in 1 Timothy 5:8 Paul continues: "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Once the parents themselves have failed, the responsibility does fall onto their immediate family. Only when the immediate family will not or cannot carry the load does the responsibility transfer to the community as a whole.

How does this translate into public policy? It's not a simple issue. Would it be proper (or constitutional) to force families to bear the financial burden for their older members? Probably not. But the current situation is economically and morally unsustainable. Perhaps this lack of clarity should serve as a general indication that the government should not be involved in the area at all.

FAMILY

Family

You all call yourselves "family,"
Maybe you are to each other, but not to me.
"Family" loves you and cares for you,
When it's pain you're going through.

But you come or call only when you NEED,
That is not "family" to me.
Where are you, when I hurt and cry?
"Sorry, I don't have time to talk now, bye."

Now you're upset, because I found friends to be my "family."
They talk to me, try to help me, you know, like real "family."
Seems you only love me when you need me,
I refuse to be your "disposable family."

If that makes me bad, then I'm bad.
But these friends, are the best "family" I've ever had.
From now on, I'll be treating you, as you do me,
See then, if YOU feel like we're "family."

HOW CAN I DEAL WITH MY ANGER!!!!!!!!!!!

Self-control is all about thinking before you act. It puts some precious seconds or minutes between feeling a strong emotion and taking an action you’ll regret.

Together, self-awareness and self-control allow you to have more choice about how to act when you’re feeling an intense emotion like anger.

Getting Ready to Make a Change

Deciding to get control of your anger — rather than letting it control you — means first taking a good hard look at the ways you’ve been reacting when you get mad. Do you tend to yell and scream or say hurtful, mean, disrespectful things? Do you throw things, kick or punch walls, break stuff? Hit someone, hurt yourself, or push and shove others around?

For most people who have trouble harnessing a hot temper, reacting like this is not what they want. They feel ashamed by their behavior and don’t think it reflects the real them, their best selves.

Everyone can change — but only when they want to. If you want to make a big change in how you’re handling your anger, think about what you’ll gain from that change. More self-respect? More respect from other people? Less time feeling annoyed and frustrated? A more relaxed approach to life? Remembering why you want to make the change can help.

It can also help to remind yourself that making a change takes time, practice, and patience. It won’t happen all at once. Managing anger is about developing new skills and new responses. As with any skill, like playing basketball or learning the piano, it helps to practice over and over again.

The Five-Step Approach to Managing Anger

If something happens that makes you feel angry (like not being allowed to go to a party until you clean your room), this approach can help you manage your reaction. It’s called a problem-solving approach because you start with the problem you’re mad about. Then you weigh your choices and decide what you’ll do.

Each step involves asking yourself a couple of questions, then answering them based on your particular situation. Let’s take the example from the start of this article: Your mom has just told you to clean your room or stay home. You really want to go to that party. The red-hot anger starts building. Here’s what to do:

1) Tune in to your feelings (self-awareness). Start by noticing what you're angry about and why. Put into words what’s making you upset so you can act rather than react.

Ask yourself: What’s got me angry? What am I feeling and why? You can do this either in your mind or out loud, but it needs to be clear and specific. For example: “I’m really angry at Mom because she won’t let me go to the party until I clean my room. It’s not fair!” Your feeling is anger, and you're feeling angry because you might not get to go to the party.

Notice that this is not the same as saying, “Mom’s so unfair to me.” That statement doesn’t identify the specific problem (that you can’t go to the party until you clean your room) and it doesn't say how you’re feeling (angry).

2) Stop and think (self-control). This is where you stop for a minute to give yourself time to manage your anger. It’s also where you start thinking of how you might react — but without reacting yet.

Ask yourself: What can I do? Think of at least three things. For example, in this situation you might think:

(a) I could yell at Mom and throw a fit.
(b) I could clean my room and then ask if I could go to the party.
(c) I could sneak out to the party anyway.

3) Consider your options (think it through). This is where you think about what is likely to result from each of the different reactions you came up with.

Ask yourself: What will happen for each one of these options? For example:

(a) Yelling at your mom may get you in worse trouble or even grounded.
(b) Cleaning your room takes work and you may get to the party late (but hey, arriving late may add to your mystique). With this option, you get to go to the party and your room's clean so you don't have to worry about it for a while.
(c) Sneaking out may seem like a real option in the heat of anger. But when you really think it through, it’s pretty unlikely you’d get away with being gone for hours with no one noticing. And when you do get caught — look out!

4) Make a decision (pick one of your options). This is where you take action by choosing one of the three things you could do. Look at the list and pick the one that is likely to be most effective.

Ask yourself: What’s my best choice? By the time you’ve thought it through, you’re probably past yelling at your mom, which is a knee-jerk response. You may have also decided that sneaking out is too risky. Neither of these options is likely to get you to the party. So option (b) probably seems like the best choice.

Once you choose your solution, then it’s time to act.

5) Check your progress. After you’ve acted and the situation is over, spend some time thinking about how it went.

Ask yourself: How did I do? Did things work out as I expected? If not, why not? Am I satisfied with the choice I made? Taking some time to reflect on how things worked out after it’s all over is a very important step. It helps you learn about yourself and it allows you to test which problem-solving approaches work best in different situations.

Give yourself a pat on the back if the solution you chose worked out well. If it didn’t, go back through the five steps and see if you can figure out why.

These five steps are pretty simple when you're calm, but are much tougher to work through when you're angry or sad (kind of like in basketball practice when making baskets is much easier than in a real game when the pressure is on!). So it helps to practice over and over again.

Other Ways to Manage Anger

The five-step approach is good when you’re in a particular situation that’s got you mad and you need to decide what action to take. But other things can help you manage anger too.

Try these things even if you’re not mad right now to help prevent angry feelings from building up inside.

• Exercise. Go for a walk/run, work out, or go play a sport. Lots of research has shown that exercise is a great way to improve your mood and decrease negative feelings.

WHAT IS BELIEF?

"Belief Systems - Perception - Social Influence - Language - Attitude - Values"

A 'belief' as an assumed truth. As such, everything is a belief—including this statement.

We create beliefs to anchor our understanding of the world around us and once we've formed a belief we typically persevere with that belief even in the face of disconfirming evidence, especially if other people know our belief. It can be embarrassing to climb down from our previous assertions. It is also difficult to remove a belief which has been woven into a wider web of belief, without disturbing those other beliefs. It also 'keeps the peace' within one's own family and geopolitical society. In some cultures expressing beliefs different from those of one's society can result in censure, censorship, excommunication, harassment, banishment, punishment, even execution.

The corollary of our definition of belief is that if we know something to be true, then it is more than a belief. The knotty question is 'How do we know that something is true?' Just because in our experience it has always been true, it doesn't necessarily follow that it will continue being true. There is also the issue of believing something to be true what was never true in the first place. We usually believe that things will happen the way they've always happened, because it is useful to do so. This means that everything is a belief. This is actually good from a persuasion standpoint, because given the right set of evidence even obstinate beliefs can be changed.

Pschologists and researchs have shown that belief is highly entangled with language. If there is a word for something we tend to believe it must exist, as in the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis. Like it or not, most people 'language' their reality into existence. This is one reason why people from different countries have difficulty 'understanding' one another, because beliefs are wrapped in language and culture.

Most people unknowingly adhere to irrational, unexamined, and superstitious beliefs. Many religious people come to accept church teachings and doctrines with a host of hidden beliefs, ideas, assumptions, fears, and psychological motives they unconsciously seek confirmed, pampered, or placated. If they are willing to question old beliefs they almost always replace these with new teachings and beliefs they presuppose are somehow more "real" and "sensible" than those previous. Hardly ever do they take the next step and question this new set of beliefs and teachings with as much urgency and soul-searching as they might have applied to their preceding belief system. Why is that?

In many cases it is a defense mechanism, an unconscious process used to shield anxieties and fears associated with one's most instinctive sense of self. Most often what is hidden is the fear of death, loneliness, low self-esteem, poor self-image, ignorance, guilt, childhood trauma or bad childhood memories. Even believers who have experienced deep spiritual epiphanies will continue to cling to superstitious ideas and irrational beliefs in an unconscious effort to find security in the face of the unknown. It is this grasping for security in all its forms that limits self-awareness and acerbates a noetic imbalance that promotes further guilt, suffering, confusion, or defeatist, docile, or untested thinking. It is ironic that in not wanting to face the beast of one's anxieties, ignorance, and fears, one will embrace an unexamined belief system that further enables anxiety, ignorance, and fear to become dominant. This creates a vicious circle—as fears, ignorance, and anxieties begin to dominate the more are unexamined beliefs adopted and embraced to the exclusion of studied and rational thinking.

In order to break this cycle, you must want to know truth more than you want to feel secure, protect the status quo, or preserve your belief image. You must be willing to engage in sometimes hard and time-consuming work, get your hands dirty, tear the cover off your fears, anxieties, wishes, and dreams, and pull them kicking into the harsh light of reality. You must find the courage to ask difficult questions, uncomfortable questions, uneasy, even irreverent, questions. You must be willing to place the search for truth above everything else—your beliefs, your religion, your concept of God, even your own salvation. Unless you are willing to do this you are being dishonest with yourself and any questions you formulate will be clouded with dishonesty, your search subverted by opportunism and self-interest. For the sake of truth, then, presume nothing, be honest with yourself, know your weaknesses and biases, understand your assumptions, ask difficult questions, read different types of books, study a broad range of topics, research history, take classes, return to school, learn a language, take as much time as you need, and test everything you encounter pursuing truth along a thousand avenues of inquiry.