Since your outer world is a reflection of your inner world and at the core of your inner world are your values, it becomes necessary to examine and probably reprioritize and/or change your current core values to be more congruent with the life that you desire for yourself. Although I could explain neuro-linguistic programming techniques and value-shifting for days, I’ll give you a very simplified procedure to identify and update your core values.
1. Write 5-10 personal values that are most important to you right now.
2. Define and clarify exactly what those values mean to you. For example, the value of courage happens to be one of my personal values and I clarify it for myself by writing: “Courage-to face my fears and move forward regardless.” This is a very important step because by doing so, you begin to take more ownership into those otherwise generic values by making them your own.
3. Organize that list of values in a hierarchy with the most important value at the top.
4. Now write 5-10 goals that you want to achieve. Obviously, a goal to have a more peaceful and less dramatic life would be a goal that should be on your personal list. After you create your list of goals, prioritize them just like your values list.
5. Compare your value list and your goal list. Ideally, the top values on your list should be perfectly congruent with the top goals that you have. Most of the time, they are not, which is the primary reason why most people are not able to achieve optimal performance and progress on their goals. Remember that your values are what is most important to you and your goals are the important things that you want to achieve in your life. There must be a synergy between both your values and your goals in order for success to happen.
6. If a top priority goal for you is to have a peaceful life, then you have to change your core values (the top three values on your values list) to correspond to that goal. Do this by either reprioritizing your current list, or by installing new values as your core values that directly relate to that goal. Some obvious choices that come to mind are: peace, happiness, tranquility, calmness, etc.
7. 21-day reprogramming. It takes approximately 21 days of constant repetition and use to replace old values with new ones. With respect to your new values, the most practical way that has worked for my coaching clients is to write those core values down on index cards and carry those core values with you everywhere you go. Also, write on those cards incantations that you will repeat to yourself throughout the day to reprogram your mind with those values. You should ideally repeat those values at least 100 times during the course of the day and there is no need to say them out loud, as long as your mind is clearly hearing the message. An example of an incantation for a core value is: “I value peace and happiness in my life everyday.” Initially, there will be some internal resistance and your mind will reject those statements as being “stupid” or “silly” because they are not congruent with your current life. This is absolutely normal, but it is also where most people fail because they give it up as not working for them. But if you keep this up for 21 days, you will begin to adopt these values into your life and your actions and decisions will begin to be congruent with those newly installed values and your problems with upset people and conflict situations should melt away along with those old beliefs.
While I realize that these suggestions may not be a cure-all for your problems, I do believe that these suggestions offer a very solid platform from which you can begin to investigate how to create a positive and meaningful change in your life to produce a greater sense of happiness and well-being.
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